'I am not cured' - Victoria's Secret model Bridget on recovering from an eating disorder
Bridget Malcolm is suffering with severe "body dysmorphia".
The 27-year-old star has opened up about being in recovery from her eating disorder from the last two years in a candid blog post, and the Victoria's Secret model revealed the "feeling" of her own skin makes her "feel uncomfortable", but she has to remain strong and remember she is not "cured" so she doesn't "slip back into old habits".
Writing on her official website in a piece titled 'Life In Eating Disorder Recovery', she said: "For two years now, I have been fortunate enough to be in recovery from my eating disorder. But I must never forget that I am in recovery. I am not cured. And I have to exert fairly constant vigilance on myself, to make sure that I don't slip back into old habits.
"My body dysmorphia is particularly bad right now. There is no reason why -- I have not gained weight, and I have not lost weight.
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This is me, two years into recovery from my eating disorder. I know that I am not fat. But that voice in my head can be brutal and loud. Today on the blog I explore life in recovery as openly as I can. Truthfully, the past week has had me struggling with bad body dysmorphia - and it is hard admitting that there is not much I can do about it. I can’t make it go away with a quick fix. It is out of my control. However, I am thankful that I get to choose life each day. My struggles have made me the person I am today. And the voices are getting quieter over time. Which is all I can ask for. Peace and love to you all - have a great week! ❤️❤️ LINK IN BIO
"For some reason though, the feeling of my skin is making me extremely uncomfortable. I would love nothing more than to reduce the size of the human I see in the mirror. And I know that if I do, I endanger my life and everything in it."
The Australian model admitted she is "sceptical" when people claim to have overcome their addictions because she finds it "hard to believe" there will ever be a time when she isn't "obsessing" over her food intake.
She added: "Whenever I hear someone claim that they are cured of their addictions, I can't help but feel sceptical. For something as relentless as an eating disorder, I find it hard to believe that someday I will not find myself obsessing over what I have eaten.
"It took most of my life to get into this thought process. I expect to spend real time learning to live around it. Because moving away from any addiction is utterly terrifying. You are left without a form of self containment. All that remains is the intense craving to go back to your dangerous safe place, a craving that you cannot give in to, or you risk dying. The day that I decided to eat, was the day that changed everything."
Bridget went on to explain she will continue to have "faith" in her body and "avoid mirrors".
She continued: "So, for today, I will continue to commit to my three meals a day. I will exercise in a way that gives me strength and faith in my body - not in a way that diminishes my size, energy and capabilities. I will meditate. I will avoid mirrors as much as possible. And I will throw myself into my life and relationships with all the energy that eating properly allows me."
Bodywhys, the Eating Disorders Association of Ireland, is the national voluntary organisation supporting people affected by eating disorders. Tel: (1890) 200-444, email firstname.lastname@example.org, or see bodywhys.ie