Pineapple, mango, ginger and cucumber: tick, tick, tick and tick. I've been shopping for an at-home spa experience. This might seem the height of non-essential decadence right now, but it proves far simpler than scouring shelves for organic eggs.
Lockdown may be slowly easing, but palm trees, quiet reflective pools, perfect stillness and relaxation are in short supply at my place. I admit I have a happy home life, free from too much worry. I'm not a key worker. Or a parent.
But no one I know ever went on a spa break because they needed urgent medical attention. We go because they make us feel good. Whether you're a confirmed sybarite on the fizz with a group of friends, or a raw-juice evangelist subsisting on very little in glorious isolation, spas cater for all.
A 2017 report found that three quarters of us visit spas for treatments because they promote their mental wellbeing. While more than half said it was an important part of their health routine.
I'm a sucker for the occasional spine-cracking massage in serene surroundings.
At hotels I'll be the one at reception in my white robe asking: "Which way is the spa?" During lockdown I've repurposed my dining room as an office, the bedroom as a yoga studio. Surely I could arrange a weekend spa staycation in my living room?
Preparation is key. Buy your ingredients the day before. Pre-make any scrubs or smoothies. Clean and tidy your space ahead of time, so that when you sashay forth in your robe for your appointment, you arrive with a clear mind. If you have children, wait until they're asleep - or get them to give you a hot water foot bath and rub, or serve you green tea.
Ambience is vital; the soft lighting, the aromatic scents. Alejandro Bataller, co-founder of the SHA Wellness Clinic in Andalucia, favours fragrances such as lemongrass, lavender and green tea.
"Lemongrass' citrus tones elevate the mood and revitalise any environment," he says. "The subtlety and mystery of the green tea leaves provide an energising, purifying and maximum wellbeing effect whilst the gentle lavender aroma reduces mental and physical stress, ideal for complete relaxation." His words ringing in my ears like a soft gong, I light a lemongrass candle - you can make the oil yourself - and put on a Spotify playlist by Longevity Wellness Worldwide (the Algarve spa experts).
Plenty of spas have taken their therapies online with one-to-one consultations, but I've opted for a complete "Digital Detox Day". I start with a body brush, to increase my circulation, and then apply my prepared Balinese body rub, followed by a steaming shower.
Were it later, I might opt for a pre-bed bath. Relaxation, though, isn't the only benefit of a good soak; a bath can benefit your muscles, joints and bones as well as balancing hormones.
Afterwards, I moisturise ahead of my main treatment: a bespoke facial. I've sought advice from a massage consultant at the Gaia spa in Devon, who told me to massage my face in a circular motion for four minutes, ending by using my finger tips to massage a cleansing balm in an upwards motion on my face, neck and chest.
I then exfoliate using a DIY mask recommended by Michele Vickery, spa manager at Zimbabwe's Africa Albida Tourism; a tablespoon of plain yoghurt and one teaspoon of organic honey.
"The yoghurt contains lactic acid, which has a mild exfoliating effect, while the honey is hydrating and full of antioxidants, leaving the complexion glowing and bright," she told me.
I apply for 10 minutes before rinsing and follow with a simple moisturising mask of a quarter of a ripe mango, a quarter of a cucumber, and half a banana. These I combine with a potato masher and then slop it all over my face - the consistency is just right.
The recipe comes from Jade Mountain resort's Kai En Ciel Spa, set high on the hills in St Lucia. I lie back and there I am, under the cocoa and mango trees, my reverie aided by classic cucumber eye patches. Cucumber has an anti-inflammatory effect that helps in reducing puffiness, while its high water content helps in hydrating the skin and the cool temperature decreases the flow of blood to the space around your eyes.
Afterwards I feel like I've swapped eyes with someone much younger. It's a revelation. My skin is smooth and plump. I've just given myself the best facial of my life. It also tasted pretty good. Life in isolation has never been so sweet.