Pedro to sign for Manchester United after the Super Cup
Bad news for Man Utd fans.
While Barcelona boy Pedro is thought to be keen on a move to the Premier League, according to Goal, his transfer comes at a price.
That price? He will be cup-tied for the UEFA Super Cup, as he's only going to fly out to England to confirm the deal after Barcelona face off with Sevilla, according to Marca.
The Super Cup, clearly the most important competition in football (after all, Super is the highest ranking word, see: Superman, WWE Superstar, Super-injunction), will take place on 11 August, after which Pedro gets to trade chorizo for black pudding.
As this particular website said another website said on Friday, it'll cost Man Utd £23 million to buy Pedro, although they aren't keen to spend more than £17 million.
What do you mean the Super Cup is just a European Community Shield? I've been had!
Competition is already hotting up in Manchester, and not over the Premier League crown - Diego Godin is the man caught in a two-way tussle.
Godin has turned down a switch to Manchester City, according to the Express, saying that he is not keen on the move, despite an offer of £90,000-a-week. He's thought to be on the cusp of signing a new contract with Atletico.
This has caused Louis van Gaal to send Manuel Pellegrini a message telling him there's plenty more fish in the sea, while simultaneously sending Godin a text asking him out on a date, to take place over the next few years, broadcast live on sports channels around the world, assuming Sergio Ramos doesn't leave the loving embrace of Real Madrid.
Meanwhile, saucy Slaven Bilic is currently glancing north conquettishly, making eyes at Man Utd's own little pea, Javier Hernandez.
The Daily Star are reporting that West Ham have identified Hernandez as the ideal player to fill in for the injury striken Andy Carroll, presumably by removing his knees and gifting them to the one-time £35 million man.
West Ham's interest in Hernandez isn't fresh - they've already had one £8.5 million bid turned down. They now plan to go back in with another bid of £12 million, meeting Man Utd's valuation, and leaving Louis van Gaal's side with Wayne Rooney and a training ground dummy as their only strikers.
Saturday saw David de Gea dropped by Van Gaal as a result of his apparent mental state, but it's going to be more difficult for Man Utd to sign his replacement, according to Frank de Boer.
What does he know about the situation? Well, he only manages Ajax, who Jasper Cillessen plays for, the apparent number one choice to replace the Old Trafford goalkeeper.
Speaking on Saturday, De Boer said: "There are certain amounts you can't refuse... but Jasper is more expensive by the week."
You hear that Louis? Time to make Ajax an offer they can't refuse. Money, Louis. Step away from the horse.
Speaking of David de Gea, as has happened all summer long, former Manchester United captain Rio Ferdinand has backed the goalkeeper to leave.
Ferdinand was on BT Sport, and when asked about whether he expected De Gea to leave, said, "If I was a betting man, after today’s antics, I’d say yes."