Liverpool set to make £46m bid for Marco Reus
Marco Reus, then. Will he? Won't he? Is he? Wasn't it?
The waters: they are muddied. The Daily Express is on a bit of a downer about the Borussia Dortmund forward, and his potential move to Anfield.
One story has Real Madrid moving ahead of Liverpool in the violent battle to sign the German.
Liverpool are supposedly after Reus to replace Raheem Sterling, who you may have heard isn't at the club any more.
Brendan Rodgers has barged to the front of an English queue which also includes Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea.
Sadly, says the Exrpess, Real are one place ahead of Rodgers in the same torturously long queue. Liverpool will now hope that Rafael Benítez fails to make the minimum height regulation to board the ride...
The ride itself may be out of service, according to another report in the Express.
This one says Liverpool will bid £46m for Reus, but that he's currently suffering a 'ligament problem' after a training ground incident.
Rickie Lambert is on his way out of Liverpool, to the surprise of very few people.
The Mail says West Brom are favourites to sign the top flight's best chester-down of a football, for a fee of around £3m.
The Mirror, meanwhile, reackons Norwich City are also keen to sign Lambert.
Joining Lambert in the theoretical departure lounge is Mamadou Sakho. Lazio are "ready to open talks" with Liverpool for the centre back. Talksport is the source. You can bring your own value judgments to this story.
Finally, Patrick Roberts, who has just signed for Manchester City from Fulham for loads of money, turned down Liverpool to do so.
That's what the Daily Mail says. Direct your fury towards them. And Patrick Roberts. But do stay polite.