Bad news for Manchester United as Spurs insist Harry Kane is going nowhere
"Kane-o's in the house", as one-time bright grime hope Kano used to be fond of saying.
Unfortunately for Manchester United, Harry Kane-o will be remaining in the house of Tottenham for the forseeable future, despite interest from Louis Van Gaal to take the striker to Old Trafford.
The Guardian reports that Spurs are adamant they will not sell Harry Kane. Not to United, not back to the 1940s, not to anyone.
Comic book hero Kane is of interest to Louis Van Gaal, who only really has Wayne Rooney to speak of when contemplating out-and-out strikers available to him.
But Spurs chief Daniel Levy indicated to his United equivalent Ed Woodward in May that there would be no deal whatsoever for Kane in the current transfer window, and "that position has not changed," according to the Guardian.
There's been no official bid for Kane yet, but it could still happen given United's shortage of numbers up front, and Louis Van Gaal's fondness for signing ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE.
But Kane is under contract with Spurs until the futuristic year of 2020 and has shown no desire to leave North London's least accessible by public transport football club as yet.
To complicate matters, Spurs are after a striker themselves, and specifically interested in United's small and presumably rotten by now vegetable Javier Hernandez.
That's a move which is unlikely to happen unless the stance on Kane softens. Could we see a swap deal? Only if a tremendous amount of money is involved too. It's the LVG way!
If Spurs don't play ball West Ham and Torino are also interested in the Mexican.
The Sunderland Echo stays true to its patch by reporting that Adnan Januzaj is a target for... Sunderland.
Dick Advocaat fancies a season-long loan move for the forward, who has gone from being the solution to all of David Moyes's problems to being Louis Van Gaal's fourth-favourite Belgian thing behind Rene Magritte, mayonnaise on chips and the DJing duo Soulwax.
Any move for Januzaj is dependent on the increasingly-clouded Pedro situation being resolved, with United reluctant to sanction a move out for one of its attackers before a replacement is signed.
There was some excited chatter around Tuesday night's Super Cup final that Pedro had indicated a desire to leave Barcelona, but that's been mildly quashed since, from the mouth of Pedro himself.
Here, have some lovely Reuters:
Barcelona forward Pedro was unclear over whether he wants to leave the club after reacting angrily to comments by technical secretary Robert Fernandez that he was seeking a move away.
Pedro came off the bench to score an extra-time winner in a 5-4 thriller over Sevilla in the European Super Cup final on Tuesday and afterwards was ambiguous over his future.
"Robert made some unfortunate comments. We spoke only a few words and he doesn't know what I have lived here in this club to speak that way about me," Pedro told reporters.
"I know that I am and will always be for Barca, people should not doubt that.
"The response is no (I don't want to go) but it is a complicated situation for a lot of reasons.
"It is not down to money as has been said and that is disrespectful.
"It is down to consistency, minutes and I am an ambitious player. Whether I stay or go, I will always follow this team."
So, not quite agitating for a move, but doesn't sound quite like he's gearing up for another crack at La Liga and all those tricky Tuesday nights in Eibar, does it?
Finally, the Express reports that United hero from the last time they had a nice Adidas strip Bryan Robson has called on David De Gea to stick around and emulate Cristiano Ronaldo. Only with saves instead of goals.
“You have to be a professional about it,” said Robson, speaking about Real Madrid's clear and unrelenting interest in the goalkeeper.
“He’s under contract at the moment but it’s like the Ronaldo situation.
"The club weren’t prepared to release him for another year and he had to get his head round it.
“Ronaldo went about it in a professional way, had a great season for us then got what he said was a dream move.
"If that’s the case and that’s what David has to do, then that’s what David has to do.”
Go on, David. Make Bryan Robson the happiest he's been since that time he kept West Brom up and got to spend the night being repeatedly kissed on the forehead by Frank Skinner.