| 0.1°C Dublin

The strange and wonderful world of Andrey Arshavin

The weird and wonderful world that is Andrey Arshavin's official website gives fans from around the world the opportunity to ask their hero questions. And, on a regular basis, he responds, whatever the nature of the query. It has offered a curious insight into the mind of an individual with a keen sense of humour. Here are some examples.

Question: I've read that you were kicked out of school in the second grade because you tore the class register to pieces. Why did you do this?

Arshavin: I got a good mark at mathematics, but I was sure that I deserved an excellent one.

Question: Andrey, what kind of sport do you think is more difficult: soccer, hockey, skiing or something else?

Arshavin: Any sport is not easy in its own way. A good tennis player will give in to a mediocre boxer. And this boxer will lose to a chess player.

Question: What is a better way of talking to a girl: to tell her the truth or to tell her what she wants to hear?

Arshavin: It depends on what you're after.

Question: Hi, my name is Nastya. I'm almost 14 years old. I like you very, very much, because you are very, very handsome and play football like no one else. I think of you all the time, write poems about you and love you very, very much! What should I do?

Arshavin: Homework!

Question: Tell me, when you wake up, do you get immediately out of bed or do you look at the ceiling before you get up?

Arshavin: It depends on the position I wake up in.

Question: Hi Andrey, my question is: how can I improve my dodging technique?

Arshavin: By working on it.

Question: Is it worth it to try and correct a man whose vices are unbearable for society?

Arshavin: Probably it's worth it. He is still not a brainless animal.

Question: Andrey, are you frightened of bears?

Arshavin: On the contrary, I like bears.

Question: Hi! I'm overweight. What shall I do?

Arshavin: Lose weight.

Question: My name is Olga, I'm 13 years old. I go out for football and I'm your biggest fan. My dad does not allow me to play football, but I want to -- Andrey, tell me what to do.

Arshavin: Listen to your Dad.

Question: Andrey, what do you think people need pain for?

Arshavin: For people not to forget that they are mere mortals. Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.

Question: Hi. I am 25 years old and I'm still not married. My parents are very upset about this. They say I can end up a spinster. But I don't want to get married yet. What shall I do?

Arshavin: I think I can help you. Step 1: You need to find a scruffy heavy drinker. Step 2: Once you've found him, try to persuade him to "marry" you. I think that for a small amount of money, he will agree to fulfil the role of your fiancé. Final: Bring this guy home. Tell your parents he'll live with you. I think next time they will think better before forcing their opinion on you.

Question: Hi Andrey, in what order would you place the following animals: a tiger, a cow, a pig, a horse, a sheep?

Arshavin: A pig -- it will always get the last place! A tiger, a cow, a horse, a sheep. And I'll repeat that a pig is always the last one, because it is a pig.

Question: How do you see yourself in 50 years?

Arshavin: 78-year-old man, with aching legs and a glamorous walking stick

Irish Independent