There’s something about the name Technischer Überwachungs-Verein which suggests thoroughness and strict standards.
TÜV, as they are mercifully known, are a German product-safety organisation and they have been testing the magical new vanishing spray that came to global attention at the World Cup in Brazil, ahead of its proposed use in Bundesliga fixtures from next month.
After nine days of rigorous analysis, their conclusion is clear: it should be banned.
German newspaper Bild reported that the testing found the spray contains parabens, which TÜV describe as “entities suspected to be hormonally active”. This may be worth mentioning to Arsenal’s Santi Cazorla, among others: