Aidan O'Hara: Bye, bye to Big Sam Allardyce, the year the title race died
The 10 re-tweet success of last year's Premier League review song 'It's All Been Pretty Dire' (We Didn't Start the Fire) followed up 'Sing Us a Song We Are Sunderland' (Piano Man). Today we move from Billy Joel to Don McLean's 'American Pie' for the 47th anniversary of its recording. The fact that it's 850 words to fill the entire column is simply a bonus.
A long, long time ago, I can still remember winning
Titles used to take a while,
And I knew City had a chance,
Their passing put us in a trance
But they were beaten last year by a mile
But Chelsea's transfers made me shiver
Thirty million for Rudiger
And Costa on the bold step
Conte falling behind Pep.
I don't believe the Baggies tried
To win for Pardew, or their pride
But City won by a landslide
The year, the contest died.
So bye, bye to Big Sam AllardyceSaved the club from relegation but the fans want to cry
And Marco Silva's probably still wonderin' why
Wouldn't Watford let him go and try
Watford let him go and try
Will Jose ever feel the love?
Stop being saved by a De Gea glove?
Finally let Fellaini go.
Does he believe in scoring goals?
Or find United's attacking soul
And, can they stop passing real slow?
Well I know that Pogba's future's grim
Though he looks good in the gym
You know it's not good news
When McTominay's filling your shoes
Rashford's a lonely teenager that's stuck
Now Sanchez wages come in a truck
But Jose says he needs more bucks
To catch this City side
And Klopp is singing
My, My, Mo Salah what a buy
With Mane and Firmino other teams want to cry
And all that money to get Virgil van Dijk
But we've still got Lovren in the side
We've still got Lovren in the side
Now, for 10 years Wenger's had a groan
And Arsenal can't win away from home
But, that's not how it used to be
They beat Leicester to keep the home fans keen
And they could sometimes blame Mike Dean
When points, they didn't get all three
Oh but there's a new king in London town
Now Pochettino's taken Wenger's crown
But judgement's been adjourned
All trophies they've been spurned.
And while Kane's still hitting the landmarks
Claiming goals like he's a shark
The gap to the top still is stark
The way that Spurs have tried
And they'll be singing
Bye bye to our boss Argentine
Coz the well from Daniel Levy well he says it's run dry
And all Spurs players see Kyle Walker and cry:
"His wages are much bigger than mine"
"Wages are much bigger than mine"
Helter skelter, Palace had no shelterDe Boer came in but he was a melterSix games in and falling fast
Players they sure had some class
But they couldn't make a decent pass
Then came Hodgson to the sideline, the contrast
Now the full-time air was full of gloom
As West Brom faced up to their doom
Pardew, he loves to dance
Oh, but he never got the chance
Oh and Stoke they tried to get O'Neill
But only offered a one-year deal
Couldn't even catch Huddersfield
No matter, what Lambert tried
And Burnley's signing
"Thank God that we've still got Sean Dyche
Seventh in the table and we're flying so high
No big clubs want him and nobody knows why
Maybe coz his throat is so dry
Maybe coz his throat is so dry"
Oh, and number 10s all in one placeThe Toffees had no one with paceThen Koeman left to start again
And the Jacks weren't nimble, the Jacks weren't quick
Paul Clement, he got lots of stick
Cause Swansea just could not defend
Oh the Hammers mood wasn't hard to gauge
Fans' hands were clenched in fist of rage
The new ground, it was hell
When Bilic lost his spell
And as they turned to Moysie for their plight
He finally found a little fight
And even if Joe Hart's still sh**eThe owners, they don't mind
And Rafa's singing
Bye, bye to my lovely Magpies
Give me some bloody money or the end will be nigh
Michael Owen's still our big transfer high
And Ashley will never say "whey aye"
Ashley'll never say "whey aye"
The Saints, they went Mark Hughes
After months of Pellegrini snooze
And they could finally smile in May.
Fans at Watford they all roar
Andre Gray can't hit a barn door
But the manager will be gone soon anyway.
And at Leicester they had to act
Puel came in, with the poet sacked
And pundits still outspoken
And Carragher's career is broken.
And the two men to be admired most
Hughton, Howe they deserved a toast
They did some job down on the coast
To stay a Premier League side
And they're all singing
Bye, bye to the title this time
City's millions and billions in defence and attack
And De Bruyne's so good but Fabien Delph's at left-back
Singing Arab owners are much better than Thai
Arab owners are much better than Thai
They'll be singing
Hype, hype it's all come from the Sky
Because City took no pity and the title race died
And then by August, they'll have 10 players to buy
Singin' 'Pep should be beatified'