Thursday 17 October 2019

Aidan O'Hara: Bye, bye to Big Sam Allardyce, the year the title race died

Sam Allardyce. Photo: Reuters
Sam Allardyce. Photo: Reuters
Aidan O'Hara

Aidan O'Hara

The 10 re-tweet success of last year's Premier League review song 'It's All Been Pretty Dire' (We Didn't Start the Fire) followed up 'Sing Us a Song We Are Sunderland' (Piano Man). Today we move from Billy Joel to Don McLean's 'American Pie' for the 47th anniversary of its recording. The fact that it's 850 words to fill the entire column is simply a bonus.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember winning

Titles used to take a while,

And I knew City had a chance,

Their passing put us in a trance

But they were beaten last year by a mile

But Chelsea's transfers made me shiver

Thirty million for Rudiger

And Costa on the bold step

Conte falling behind Pep.

I don't believe the Baggies tried

To win for Pardew, or their pride

But City won by a landslide

The year, the contest died.

So bye, bye to Big Sam AllardyceSaved the club from relegation but the fans want to cry

And Marco Silva's probably still wonderin' why

Wouldn't Watford let him go and try

Watford let him go and try

Will Jose ever feel the love?

Stop being saved by a De Gea glove?

Finally let Fellaini go.

Does he believe in scoring goals?

Or find United's attacking soul

And, can they stop passing real slow?

Well I know that Pogba's future's grim

Though he looks good in the gym

You know it's not good news

When McTominay's filling your shoes

Rashford's a lonely teenager that's stuck

Now Sanchez wages come in a truck

But Jose says he needs more bucks

To catch this City side

And Klopp is singing

My, My, Mo Salah what a buy

With Mane and Firmino other teams want to cry

And all that money to get Virgil van Dijk

But we've still got Lovren in the side

We've still got Lovren in the side

Now, for 10 years Wenger's had a groan

And Arsenal can't win away from home

But, that's not how it used to be

They beat Leicester to keep the home fans keen

And they could sometimes blame Mike Dean

When points, they didn't get all three

Oh but there's a new king in London town

Now Pochettino's taken Wenger's crown

But judgement's been adjourned

All trophies they've been spurned.

And while Kane's still hitting the landmarks

Claiming goals like he's a shark

The gap to the top still is stark

The way that Spurs have tried

And they'll be singing

Bye bye to our boss Argentine

Coz the well from Daniel Levy well he says it's run dry

And all Spurs players see Kyle Walker and cry:

"His wages are much bigger than mine"

"Wages are much bigger than mine"

Helter skelter, Palace had no shelterDe Boer came in but he was a melterSix games in and falling fast

Players they sure had some class

But they couldn't make a decent pass

Then came Hodgson to the sideline, the contrast

Now the full-time air was full of gloom

As West Brom faced up to their doom

Pardew, he loves to dance

Oh, but he never got the chance


Oh and Stoke they tried to get O'Neill

But only offered a one-year deal

Couldn't even catch Huddersfield

No matter, what Lambert tried

And Burnley's signing

"Thank God that we've still got Sean Dyche

Seventh in the table and we're flying so high

No big clubs want him and nobody knows why

Maybe coz his throat is so dry

Maybe coz his throat is so dry"

Oh, and number 10s all in one placeThe Toffees had no one with paceThen Koeman left to start again

And the Jacks weren't nimble, the Jacks weren't quick

Paul Clement, he got lots of stick

Cause Swansea just could not defend

Oh the Hammers mood wasn't hard to gauge

Fans' hands were clenched in fist of rage

The new ground, it was hell

When Bilic lost his spell

And as they turned to Moysie for their plight

He finally found a little fight

And even if Joe Hart's still sh**eThe owners, they don't mind

And Rafa's singing

Bye, bye to my lovely Magpies

Give me some bloody money or the end will be nigh

Michael Owen's still our big transfer high

And Ashley will never say "whey aye"

Ashley'll never say "whey aye"

The Saints, they went Mark Hughes

After months of Pellegrini snooze

And they could finally smile in May.

Fans at Watford they all roar

Andre Gray can't hit a barn door

But the manager will be gone soon anyway.

And at Leicester they had to act

Puel came in, with the poet sacked

And pundits still outspoken

And Carragher's career is broken.

And the two men to be admired most

Hughton, Howe they deserved a toast

They did some job down on the coast

To stay a Premier League side

And they're all singing

Bye, bye to the title this time

City's millions and billions in defence and attack

And De Bruyne's so good but Fabien Delph's at left-back

Singing Arab owners are much better than Thai

Arab owners are much better than Thai

They'll be singing

Hype, hype it's all come from the Sky

Because City took no pity and the title race died

And then by August, they'll have 10 players to buy

Singin' 'Pep should be beatified'

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