Nothing for Jose to smile about
Jose Mourinho is the Happy One no more after Chelsea's worst start to a Premier League season in 17 years.
The champions go to West Brom on Sunday bidding for a first win of the season after beginning with a 2-2 draw at home to Swansea and 3-0 loss at title rivals Manchester City.
"We have one point from two matches. I'm not happy at all," said Mourinho, before listing those under-performing.
"I'm not happy with anyone. I'm not happy with (Branislav) Ivanovic's form, (Gary) Cahill, John (Terry), Azpi (Cesar Azpilicueta), Eden (Hazard), (Cesc) Fabregas, (Nemanja) Matic.
"But, for me, the first thing is I'm not happy with my form, because I used to get better results than I'm getting (now).
"This is the start of everything."
Mourinho, who described himself as the Happy One on his return to Chelsea two summers ago, is eager for self-improvement as well as collective.
"I go to the gym every day now to get fitter," said Mourinho, who says he went once every six months previously.
"Maybe I need more action on the touchline, so I need to be fitter."
The Blues boss this week made efforts to improve Chelsea, convincing Pedro to sign from Barcelona in a one minute conversation. Pedro could make his debut at the Hawthorns.
Mourinho became aware of the availability of the Spain forward on Monday and Chelsea signed him for £21million on Thursday, swooping swiftly for a player Manchester United had pursued for around a month.
The World Cup winner joined Baba Rahman, a left-back signed from Augsburg, in moving to Chelsea in the wake of the loss at City.
"For me, it was one minute," said Mourinho, before recalling the conversation.
"'Is it true that you want to leave Barcelona?' 'Yes, it's true. I love it here. It's my home, but it's time for me to move.' 'Did you sign already for another club?' 'Almost, but not yet.' 'Do you want to come here?' 'Yes, I want.'
"I told people in the club 'it's over to you'. (But) I thought he would never leave Barcelona."
The former Real Madrid boss has acrimonious history with Barcelona.
"Maybe I insulted him or he insulted me. But, for football people, that's not a problem," Mourinho said.
"It's a problem for non-football people. In football, people forget."
Further signings could follow, if the chance arises before the September 1 deadline.
"People used to call it the transfer window. I sometimes call it the opportunity window," Mourinho added.
"While the window is open there is always an opportunity."
Juventus' former Manchester United midfielder Paul Pogba has been linked with a £60m move to Stamford Bridge. Mourinho refused to comment.
He also refused to be drawn on whether Chelsea would return to bid for defender John Stones despite Everton's rebuttal of a reported three bids, the latest of which was said to be £30m.
Captain John Terry is likely to start in defence at West Brom despite being substituted at half-time at City, while goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois will return from suspension in place of Asmir Begovic. Oscar and Victor Moses are out.
Mourinho withdrew Terry due to a lack of pace and admitted experimenting with changing formation.
He added: "When you have strikers like we have, why not play with two strikers?
"When you have fast people like (Kurt) Zouma, (Cesar) Azpilicueta, why not play with three defenders?
"And now we are having time to do that because we have a week between games, so we are thinking about that."