Saturday 20 January 2018

Cristiano Ronaldo joined Man United 12 years ago today: 30 reasons why we love and hate him

Cristiano Ronaldo signed for Manchester United on August 12, 2003
Cristiano Ronaldo signed for Manchester United on August 12, 2003

Alan Tyers

Cristiano Ronaldo signed for Manchester United on this day in 2003 for £12.24m, here are 30 reasons to love and/or despise the football legend.

1) He has scored FIFTY goals in a season for the last four seasons

And has already netted 36 times this one. That is more goals than Aston Villa have scored in their entire history, if you don't count Savo Milosevic.

2) He opened a museum… about himself


But resisted the temptation to make sweet, sweet love to this Ronaldo waxwork. As far as we know.

3) He made Rooney play like a god, for a bit

C-Ron scored 42 times for Man United in 2007-2008, and everyone thought that Rooney was going to be an all-time great

4) He became the first player to score in six consecutive El Clasicos

Messi was livid. Possibly.

5) He has scored 27 hat-tricks in La Liga

Only Dalian Atkinson (Real Sociedad, 1990-91 has hit more). 

6) He is the only living human being who does not like Lionel Messi


Other than, possibly, Zlatan. Pretty good company, actually.

7) He did this for Man Utd against Roma in 2008 

8) He always, always puts the team’s needs above his own glory

Alex Ferguson said in his book that Ronaldo was still crying on the floor at having missed his penalty in the 2008 Champions League Final as the shootout kick went in.

9) And he did this for Man Utd against Porto in 2009 

"It's the best goal I've ever scored. I've just seen the replay and I didn't realise it was 40 yards out and I hit it at 65mph - wow!"

10) He gives himself encouraging pep-talks

Quote My free-kick secret? I just look at the net and say 'Take the kick, Cristiano.'

11) When he gets sent off, he really makes it count

That forearm smash! If only he could get involved in pro wrestling.

12) He is not above a little bit of tasteful product demonstration.


Hats of to CR7 for his method-acting here, really getting into the role of “handsome boy on phone.”

PS: Roy Keane clearly has a big future in the front line of a Carphone Warehouse store

13) ...well, tasteful-ish prduct demonstration


14) He invented a new type of goal 

All hail the Mule Kick.

15) He’s secure enough in his sexuality to know that having a man purse definitely does not make you look unmanly


Not. At. All.

16) Goodbye Arsenal. Hello Champions League Final  

17) He was able to give Alex Ferguson migraines simply by using a jumper


18) However, Fergie genuinely seemed to like him. And that doesn’t happen every day 

19) He paid a lady to have a baby

And also to naff off after having the baby. This seems odd.

20) He was recently valued at 785 million pounds. This makes him worth a bit more than Grenada, although a bit less than Guinea-Bissau, by GDP


Grenada is totally okay about it though.

21) He can head the ball like a much, much uglier man

22) He got the People's Potato sent off and winked

Everyone was cross at the time, although in hindsight it was pretty funny.

23) He has won the Ballon d’Or three times and now gets to keep it, because he cares about it more than anyone else in the whole world


24) He scored against Man United and refused to celebrate

It's understood this is because the match was played in what looks like a dangerous swamp and he was worried that his team-mates might bundle on him and they'd all drown.

25) He posed next to a statue of himself


Even the statue looked excited

26) He had a son and called him Cristiano Ronaldo Junior

Of course he did.

27) His body is nearly as good as Peter Crouch’s


28) When he won the Ballon D'Dor, he shouted out "Siiiiiiii!"

That means "yes, I am really happy" in Portugaleese.

29) He was correctly baffled by Japanese television

We’re awarding an extra one million pairs of tight underpants for CR7's double blink.

30) He is better / not as good as Lionel Messi


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