I was the tyrant barking the orders, infecting the rest of my DCU Mercy team-mates with my crippling anxiety – and that was only the warm-up.
It was January 2009 and we were taking on our fierce rivals Glanmire at the National Basketball Arena for a spot in the National Cup final. DCU had never won the competition – I was desperate to change that. Too desperate, it turned out.
There was no consolation in the fact that our 2009 semi-final would play out to be one of the most enthralling games in the history of the sport on this island because it was Glanmire who prevailed after double overtime.
Mentally, I was all over the place. Charging around the floor trying to bend the game DCU’s way. My decision-making was off, I was far too animated – bellowing around the court. Reflecting now, when I got like that, I was a bit of an a**hole.
Mark Ingle, our renowned basketball coach who at times seemed to know me better than I knew myself, used to say: “When Lindsay’s upset, the team is upset”. I hated to hear it. I didn’t want to accept it. A long time would pass before I realised he was right.
A year later, we got revenge against Glanmire. Despite my unpredictable behaviour I was actually captain as we won DCU’s first National Cup.
I had one of my best games, named MVP after scoring 16 points and winning rebounds I had no right to as a 5ft 7in point guard. The primary difference to 12 months previous against the same opposition? I was in a good head space.
Approaching that game there was an understandable fear in our group that the pressure would derail me again, that I’d unravel from the mental torment I’d inflict on myself in the build-up to such an important occasion.
But I was in a completely different place psychologically. I managed to convince myself to treat it as a regular basketball game. I wanted to be free to enjoy the experience, not be paralysed by the fear of failure.
I wish I could say that was a genuine lightbulb moment in my sporting journey but there were many times over the ensuing years where I slipped back into my old habits.
There were also heart-breaking occasions where I was part of teams that struggled to deal with the pressure of career-defining matches.
The 2017 Women’s Rugby World Cup at home comes to mind, as does letting a 10-point lead slip against Cork in the 2014 All-Ireland football final. Being brutally honest, even though I have a medal from 2010, I’m still not over that loss with the Dubs in Croke Park.
When the pressure ramps up, even good teams can be ankle-tapped by minor disruption – whether that is an agitated team-mate, a late change of schedule, or an injury to a key player.
For all that Ireland have developed their attacking style this spring, it is their mental fortitude that has impressed me the most.
When you’re winning, a lot of the time it feels like everything is going your way. But, over the past six weeks, this Ireland team have been racking up victories despite the havoc that has been flung in their direction.
Jack Conan alluded to it in his post-match interview last week, saying: “We could have walked off the bus and played and it wouldn’t have mattered to us”. That level of collective resourcefulness is rare at any level of sport.
Oddly enough, despite the intrinsic drama of a Grand Slam decider against England on St Patrick’s weekend, I always felt playing an in-form Scotland away would be the most likely place for any mental frailties to emerge in this campaign.
So to see them wrestle such a volatile contest back their own way in those luckless circumstances showed a steely assurance that was ultimately found lacking at the end of the last World Cup cycle.
This group – despite having many of the same players involved – actually look comfortable playing the role of front-runners.
Andy Farrell has clearly created a healthy environment for growth. You can see there is a deep sense of belief and brotherhood across the set-up.
They also seem intent on playing for a purpose – by creating meaning beyond the scorelines and 80 minutes of rugby.
Johnny Sexton and Tadhg Furlong spoke this week about making Irish people proud. There has been talk, led by Farrell, about how special the Irish jersey actually is – highlighting its power to unite an island that has been so deeply scarred by division.
Having said all that, these Irish players need to be continuously aware of the pitfalls that come with grand days like this. Play the game, not the occasion.
Just because they were mentally rigid last week doesn’t mean things cannot unravel today. But if they keep their heads and focus on the game they should have more than enough quality to see off an England side in transition.
Once that’s taken care of, then they can start screaming and roaring.