There's a certain consolation for those of us not talented enough, committed enough or abstinent enough to ever make the Olympics: we've got the same shot as the world's best athletes of competing in Tokyo this summer - none.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) continues channelling Jim Carrey's character in 'Dumb and Dumber' when told there's a one-in-a-million chance of him hooking up with Mary Swanson: "So you're telling me there's a chance?"
Right now the IOC is that incoherent drunk, oblivious to the outside world, refusing to leave the pub long after closing time; it's the cocky chap who keeps working through a fire alarm, assuming it's all just a drill; it's the smiling dog in that internet meme, sitting in a room saying "this is fine" as the world starts to burn.
But we should expect little else from an organisation that sold its US broadcast rights to NBC for $7.5 billion yet still can't pay athletes a dime in prize money; an organisation that, lest anyone try to cash in on sponsorship during the Games, keeps stars of the five-ringed circus shackled in relative poverty.
You can understand why athletes were especially annoyed as the IOC refused to publicly consider cancellation or postponement despite opportunities to qualify disappearing faster than cost-price hand sanitiser.
"If you can't qualify for the Olympics, how can you have an Olympics?" asked athletics manager Matthew Turnbull this week, and that's a key point. Just over half of the expected 11,000 Olympic athletes have qualified. What about the rest?
The US has imposed an eight-week ban on gatherings of more than 50 people - goodbye to sport for that time - while the plug was pulled midway through the Olympic boxing qualifiers in London this week. British Gymnastics cancelled all events until the end of June, and that's now the most optimistic deadline for sport to get out of these woods.
Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have finally started to realise the real threats to their societies came not from a malevolent outside force but from a sickness that had long been circulating within. Public Health England reckons the epidemic will last until next spring, with cases peaking between late May and mid-June. When the UK sneezes Ireland still catches a cold, so what chance sport there - or here - is up and running by June? For the Olympics to go ahead in July, it has to be.
This week the IOC encouraged athletes to prepare "as best they can", which smacked of a teacher telling students to keep studying over the summer in the absence of any exams.
Olympic pole vault champion Katerina Stefanidi wasn't having it: "The IOC wants us to keep risking our health, our family's health and public health to train every day? You are putting us in danger."
Athletes are doing what they can, but it could be in vain. With running tracks shut down, Phil Healy relocated to Curracloe in Wexford, where she is training on the beach. Her coach, Shane McCormack, moved his home gym equipment into Healy's place to allow her to strength train and in the absence of group sessions, his athletes have had competitions in their WhatsApp group such as press-up challenges.
Hope is ahead. China hosted its first athletics event last week since the original outbreak, with more scheduled in April. Japan has seen new cases levelling off of late, but when prime minister Shinzo Abe insisted the Games will go ahead as planned he sounded as behind the times as Abe Simpson: "I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was."
The past month has taught us that those underplaying this threat are eventually made to look like fools, but it's easy to see why organisers want to buy time. NBC sold more than $1.25bn (€1.35bn) in advertising for this Olympics, and postponing the Games would jeopardise deals that are the lifeblood of the Olympic movement.
Citius, altius, fortius. Faster, higher, stronger. It's been the Olympic motto for 96 years, but in 2020 it seems time to concede there is a force faster, higher and stronger than the world's biggest sporting event.
With so many lives lost and so many in financial ruin, there's no point overplaying the plight of Olympians, but the reality is they can't train properly and for many months will have nowhere to compete. Drug testing has even gone on a relative hiatus, one area in which the Olympics sure could do without losing credibility.
The Games will be back, maybe in 2021, maybe later, but if it's the hope that kills you, the IOC will soon have to put athletes out of their misery.
I hope I'm wrong, but for the summer of 2020, for that great gathering of the world's most gifted, it seems time to utter that one Japanese word everyone knows: sayonara.