Phil Neville lived up to the not-so-bright Premier League player stereotype last week when he revealed he did not know how to make a cup of coffee.
When he replied coffee, my heart sank because I thought: ‘how do I do that’,” recalled Neville, “I ran into the kitchen and I thought I am not going to poison this guy so I rang my wife.
“The problem I then had was how much milk to put in. I forgot to ask my wife how much."
Neville actually comes across as one of the more articulate footballers, past or present, so his Dumb and Dumber moment came as a bit of a surprise.
What is not such a surprise is the lengthy list of not-so-clever quotes compiled by footballers over the years. Here is just a sample of them.
“Sandro’s holding his face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.”
Former footballer Dion Dublin
"I've been consistent in patches this season"
Arsenal star Theo Walcot
“Jimmy White, 180.”
Jason McAteer when snooker player White walked into a Dublin bar.
“I’ll have it in four, I would never eat eight.”
Jason McAteer when asked how many slices he wanted his pizza cut into.
“I thought he wanted to smash the window with it.”
That man McAteer again. This time, after Neil Ruddock locked his keys in his car and a cop arrived on the scene and asked McAteer to go get a hanger, the former Ireland international arrived down with a wooden one!
"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."
Former Aston Villa and Manchester United manager Ron Atkinson
"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that."
Former Newcastle and England boss Kevin Keegan
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
Former England captain David Beckham
Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7."
Yes, you guessed it, Beckham.
"I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."
Former Liverpool striker Ian Rush
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
Former Villa, Leicester and Southampton man Mark Draper
"We must have had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match."
Former Dutch superstar Ruud Gullit
"If you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we’ve got her in the taxi."
The colourful Ian Halloway
"Germany are a very difficult team to play — they had 11 internationals out there today."
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable."