A friend and I were discussing recently how we would cope were we to find ourselves single again any time soon.
By 'single' we mean if either of our partners were to kick the bucket or run off with someone else!
After lengthy debate, we decided we really wouldn't be bothered getting back 'out there' and instead we'd pool our assets, move in together, buy two reclining chairs and a puppy and spend our days watching Casualty and box sets.
'We can live on takeaway,' I suggested, knowing she wasn't much better at cooking than me. 'We could do a different theme each night - Indian, Chinese, American...' I added, warming to the idea.
She thought it was genius. 'And we wouldn't have to shave our legs or do fake tan or even put on make up!' This was sounding better and better. We'd be two hairy, unkempt, probably overweight women who would sit in front of the tv, drink g & t's and make caustic comments about whatever was on.
We informed the men of our plans. They laughed their heads off. 'Are you trying to tell me that if I shuffled off this mortal coil tomorrow, you wouldn't be interested in finding another man at some point? I find that hard to believe' asked Himself.
I told him, yes, that was correct. Initially I'd be too griefstricken, (obviously I played that bit up!) to even contemplate another relationship but then after a suitable mourning period, I had come to the conclusion that I just wouldn't be interested in being on the single scene ever again.
'Imagine having to put yourself out there again? And anyway where do women my age go to find a man? I certainly wouldn't be propping up some bar or standing in a nightclub looking desperate,' I said defiantly.
The men suggested I could join a golf club (really? do they know me at all?!) as that would be a great way of meeting men of a certain age. Failing that I could always try the internet. The latter, I said, was not an option. Knowing me I'd end up full of gin, messaging some nutter on death row and sending him all my money.
Then something dawned on me. The men were very enthusiastic in their hypothetical attempts of getting me back in the saddle should anything happen to Himself. 'So am I to take it that you don't have similar misgivings about being single if I was run over by a bus?'
'Ah well, obviously I'd be devastated.' Obviously. 'But you know no man is an island and life goes on. I'm sure you wouldn't want me to be lonely for the rest of my life,' he tells me matter of factly.
'I'd have no problem with you being lonely for the rest of your life...without me!' I assured him. He laughed. 'Ah now I know you don't mean that.'
'I bloody well do' I replied. 'And it sounds to me like you already have a replacement in mind. It better not be that doctor's receptionist who keeps giving you the eye.' He grins at me. 'Jaysus I'd forgotten about her. Must add her to the list!'
I. Will. Haunt. Him!