For Caolán Kelly growing up in a town in rural Ireland meant a constant reminder of his being someone different.
s Ireland celebrates Pride month, the Gorey man can reflect on better times since those awkward, difficult days at Gorey Community School where he had to ‘fake it to make it’ among his peers.
Now working as a successful freelance make-up artist and with Sculpted By Aimee, Caolán believes education is key to creating a more open minded society.
“It’s all about educating people to catch up with the rest of the world. It’s not the gay person down the road that is the weirdo, it’s the person who doesn’t understand that’s the weirdo. People ask questions now, whereas before they didn’t.”
Caolán said the murder of Aidan Moffitt and Michael Snee in Sligo early this year is reason alone for Pride month.
“We need to celebrate moving forward and educate people and educate people because there will always be a constant hurdle there. Will we one day feel equal to everyone else, I think so but we have a long way to go.
”It was hugely easy for people to vote Yes in the Referendum but that is only one small part, even if it’s a mighty part. I think there is so much more to be done in terms of education.
“There is always this first step regarding your coming out story and was it hard – apart from your typical struggles of being around uneducated people. These things were difficult but apart from that I had a very positive upbringing. My parents encouraged me to excel in all I did, even things that would be considered different, like make-up and acting which enabled me to express myself through my make-up, hair and clothes.”
Caolán said his parents brought him up to be unapologetic about who he was.
“I never felt they treated me differently to my brother or sister. Society tends to dwell on the sadness and the hardship, but you are able to deal with things better if you have support.
“There is no ignoring someone roaring in your face or having to go to school five days a week wishing every second that you could get out and being afraid to go from one class to another, all for being yourself.
“I think Pride is important and it’s great to have a Pride month and people talk about it a bit more. The celebration only usually lasts one or two days and I always enjoy that and when there are more allies around you feel in a safer environment gong out.”
He does feel that a lot of companies jump on the bandwagon of Pride month.
“You will suddenly get extra jobs here and there because of your sexual orientation. They use the Pride flag, but where is the education in that. Are they doing anything for a charity and are they advertising that their business is a gay safe place?
“Often, there is no follow up. They get money off the back of it. I think it’s rainbow washing and it’s happening a lot more. I have noticed this for years in different make-up companies with their ‘Pride pallet’.”
Caolán (30) said he feels safe as a gay man in Ireland today.
“A lot of young gay men or women tend to leave Ireland, and go to London, or Australia or America as it’s more accepting there and you can wear what you want.
“That was one of my true goals in life - leaving. I wanted to get out of here as I can only do so much here. I lived in London for nine years. I think things are improving slowly here. We are always trying to get to the point where people don’t have a choice but they have to learn and listen and and with programmes like Heartstopper and It’s a Sin, it helps. It’s not all doom and gloom.
“When people focus on the Eighties, it’s all about Aids and how wrong it was and now it’s a simpler thing. It’s more accepting and focussing on the person and how the bully is often gay themselves.
“We have to realise is a small, Catholic run country, so it’s going to be slower that cities to catch up. But why should you have to move to a city to be your authentic self. I moved for my career and for social scenes. People shouldn’t have to keep themselves to themselves.”
Caolán said he developed his sense of self through adversity.
“I am very confident in my own skin. Growing up it was sink or swim for me. I had to pretend for so long that I had this confidence to get me through things. It’s hard thinking about it now. I was very determined.
“I was the guy in Gorey Community School – the biggest school in Ireland –walking down the hall and everything down to how I walked to how I held my school bag was criticised. There was no escape. For me to be able to be myself/ I chose to swim. I am proud of that, looking back.
“I took the grief for all of the other people who didn’t take it and hid, because I was so authentically myself and I refused to fit into the norm. Now I feel I am the norm because of who I surround myself with, but you don’t have a choice in school.”
He said some young gay people have been scarred by parents turning off gay scenes on TV in disgust in front of them.
“That can be so triggering to a young child. In Scotland they teach LGBT subjects and talk about it in school. This is completely what we should be doing here. People in Ireland still have to educate themselves the hard way and seek guidance from other people and have to wait until they’re 18 or 19 for the true meaning of LGBT, and in a small town you don’t have allies who are open with that.”
Caolán welcomed that many LGBT groups are springing up around Co Wexford.
As for his career, he feels his style is perfectly suited to the current trend.
“I find that my personal make-up style and the company’s I work with match perfectly. Pre-pandemic it was all very striking make-up. That completely dropped when everyone was at home and weren’t going out.
“People are more interested in showing off their healthy skin now than covering it up and creating a different look. I had been doing that for years for red carpets anyway.”
