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New kit answer to Ireland woes

FOR those who were worried about Ireland's chances of qualification for Euro 2012, have no fear: the new kit is here!

Sportswear giants Umbro have, apparently, left no stitch unturned to give Giovanni Trapattoni's side the mental edge for their qualifiers against Russia, Slovakia, Macedonia, Andorra and Armenia.

Our road to Poland and Ukraine will be smooth for a number of reasons, all of them to do with the kit. The socks worn by the Duffer et al will now be hooped, which, according to FAI's website, "makes it harder for defenders to read what attackers are about to do."

We reckon the Russians will crumble at the sight of them!

The jerseys are now a darker 'St Patrick's green' -- presumably to drive snakes (including a certain Mr Henry, if we ever get France) out of the Irish penalty box.

And the new shirt will feature gold 'éire' embroidery on the back neck that "ensures the Irish will be ready for anything".

Including, presumably, last-minute 'hand of God' goals. How can we possibly fail?!