Simon off to Cannes with A-list chums?

ACTOR Simon Delaney is best known for his Tesco ads, primarily because it's pretty much the only job he's had in the past year, despite talking up the fact that he was heading to Hollywood and had "bagged himself a big agent".

He was lining up to be the next Caroline Morahan, or so I thought...

Imagine my surprise to read that he was starring in This Must Be The Place alongside Sean Penn, playing his best friend in that movie, and that he was looking forward to its European premiere at the Cannes Film Festival.

"I'm going anyway, whether I'm invited or not," joked Simon, as though an actor of his calibre wouldn't be invited.

Basking in the glory of his new-found stardom, Simon flew off to LA to prepare for the role, meeting up with "top agents and casting directors", and having a drink in celebrity hangout Chateau Marmont -- the way you do when you're an A-lister. And while shooting the breeze with director Jim Sheridan, who should he bump into but his co-star Sean Penn.

Remembered

It's just as well Simon met Sean that day, however, because it's probable the great man would not have remembered him. I checked the cast list for the soon-to-be-released movie, and Simon appears at number 18, lodged between "businessman in airport" and "bank employee".

Sorry Simon, but there's only one way you're getting to Cannes next year.

It's called Ryanair.