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Terry Prone: It's difficult to find anything positive about ridiculous saga

Call the crime scene investigators. If this goes to appeal, the one who struck the first blow -- the perp -- has to be nailed. Forensic experts will have to work out who was the aggressor, who the victim.

The crime scene? Lucan Golf Club. Blood on the walls, not kidding you. Specifically, the walls of the gents' loo.

Burnley played Manchester United that night, if you care. The lads in Lucan Golf Club apparently cared a lot. Some of them were for Burnley. Some of them were for Manchester United. As you'd expect.

It being a golf club, you'd also expect a certain amount of witty banter. Or, if the men involved couldn't rise to witty banter, a certain amount of slagging. Which, we're told, there was. No harm in slagging, I hear you say, and you'd be right. What would this country be, without slagging? Except that, in this case, the slagging and some of the slaggers visited the toilets, and it was downhill from that point. Two of the lads ratcheted it up. Blood was drawn. Spatters hit the tiles.

When the blood dried and the dust settled, the civil authorities, namely the gardai, didn't take either of the two slugging slaggers from Lucan Golf Club to court. Logically, at that point, two members of any golf club who had lost the run of themselves in the lavatory would heave sighs of relief, apologise in a mortified way, and go back to slagging.

Sorry. That's not the way it worked out. Instead, one of the two sued the other. Having taken the row to the gents and left DNA all over the sinks, urinals and tiles, the lads took it to the courts, where they left money all over everything.

Or will have to leave money all over everything, in the form of costs.

It's difficult to find anything positive to say about this ridiculous saga.

On the other hand, maybe it offers a marketing opportunity.

The pro shop at Lucan Golf Club could make a fortune. All they have to do is offer anger management classes. They'd clean up. In more ways than one.