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Savage i: Does rebranded ESB think we're daft? hots up again Fashion guru heal thyself

THE ESB have rebranded. Rebranding is not a cheap and easy thing to do. It requires new stationery, brochures, business cards and marketing stuff.

Companies usually spend a fortune on ads to tell us that they've changed their name so that we don't panic and become confused when we discover that Marathon is now Snickers or Jif is now Cif. Companies rarely undertake such an exercise without a good reason (for Jif and Marathon it allowed them to use the same packaging worldwide).

MORONS

This does not explain what the ESB are at. They clearly just think we're morons. They have renamed themselves 'Electricity Supply Board, Electric Ireland'.

How is this an improvement? Did they think we'd missed what they do? Surely the words 'electricity' and 'supply' were a clue? Did they think we were unsure where they were based?

I don't know about you but I was never worried that the Electricity Supply Board might be in Venezuela. So why add Ireland?

We can only hope this type of rebranding doesn't catch on with other semi-states, or we'll end up with The Gas Board, Gas Ireland; An Post, Post Ireland; Irish Rail, Railways Ireland; and Dublin Bus, Buses Dublin.

What a waste of time and money.

Or as the ESB would call it 'a waste of time and money, money and time wasted Ireland'.

House market hots up again

GOOD news for the Irish property market. According to a Professor of Climate Change in Maynooth, Ireland may end up as a lifeboat when climate change really takes hold.

People from all over the planet will come here because we're high up (mostly) and our weather won't be as God-awful as places like Australia.

So don't worry about the negative equity, soon Ireland will be hot, popular and everyone on the planet will want to buy your apartment in Kilbeggan.

The professor did suggest there would be some downsides to the whole 'climate Armageddon thing', but who cares, if property values return?

Fashion guru heal thyself

OFF The Rails is RTE's stalwart fashion programme. It has been chugging along for at least two decades. Back then it was called Head To Toe, but other than the name, precious little changed when they swapped Caroline Morahan for Pat O'Mahony.

BLONDE

When Caroline and the nice blonde one subsequently left, they were replaced by a different nice blonde one and Brendan Courtney.

The producers used the personnel change to tweak the format slightly: gone are the professional designers and fashion gurus, now the presenters double-job and -- like Trinny and Suzanna -- they dress the slightly terrified women who are the subjects of the show.

Brendan is, by all accounts, a terribly nice man. He's also a good presenter. But these laudable characteristics don't extend to his dress sense.

This week, for instance, he was wearing moleskin trousers with the cuffs rolled up. It was like watching a TV programme presented by a Sean O'Casey character who'd been digging clams when the film crew arrived.

There is only one possible reason why otherwise sensible women would allow someone dressed like Brendan give them advice on clothes.

Off The Rails gets its guests through the use of CIA-style rendition.

HOSTAGE

The women take part because a black-ops team from RTE subject them to Guantanamo-style interrogation techniques until they agree to subject themselves to diagonal-cut animal-print drape dresses.

It's why they all cry at the end. They know they've been made to look a bit bizarre, but they're distracted in the final shots by the producers with the Alsations.


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