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Oi Brand, you can dish it out mate - but why can't you take it?

Fair dues to Paraic O'Brien, the Channel 4 reporter who revealed a new facet to Russell Brand.

Brand was doing his usual thing (finding a vaguely socialist issue about which he can expel vast quantities of unnecessary adjectives at the nearest camera).

In this instance, the issue was house prices and rising rents in London.

O'Brien suggested the super-rich buying up houses in London contributed to the problem and asked Brand how much he paid for his house. Brand snapped, "it's rented" and went back to his stream of semi-consciousness.

O'Brien followed up with the obvious next question: "How much is your rent?"

Russell took it less than well. So much so, that instead of telling O'Brien he was an indentured lackey, enslaved by the capitalist plutocracy and incapable of self-actualisation, he said: "You're a snide, mate."

Then he turned to his entourage and said, "Let's do one", before sulking off. We therefore have Paraic O'Brien to thank for showing that Russell's vocabulary is inversely proportional to his level of anger.

Or as Brand might say: "He don't half talk crappy when he's hacked off mate."

Hollywood ain't always the law

In movies, lawyers are fun. They're the civil equivalent of an air-strike; you find yourself fighting a losing battle, you radio for help and F-16s scream out of the clouds, bomb everything and victory is snatched from the jaws of defeat.

So it is with movie lawyers - they get called, swoop in and save everyone with searing litigation.

Not so in real life.

Because people are used to movie-lawyers they wrongly see legal action as a safety net, when it's more often a bed of nails.

Remember Thomas Talbot? He was the 76-year-old golfer who featured in a case surrounding his golf handicap which came before the High Court, and later the Supreme Court. He went all Hollywood on it and litigated.

He lost. In the High Court. Then he lost again. In the Supreme court. The whole process cost more than €500k.

In a final ignominy the judge in the Supreme Court described it as a "simple matter" - legal code for "ah jaysus you should really not have gotten this far".

Similar legal code was used this week by High Court President Nicholas Kearns. He was hearing a case about a lane and a hedge (honestly).

He suggested to the participants that they find "an 11th hour opportunity" to resolve the matter and asked if it was too late for "common sense" to prevail - code for "lads, this ain't the movies, ye're fighting over a lane, surely there's someplace else you could take this?".

Kearns wanted to get the parties to recognise the problem faced by a lot of court participants outside Hollywood movies - after they call in the airstrike they learn it's often not just the enemy that gets blown up, it's everybody involved.

Ed enjoys a Secret reward

If you were worrying about whether or not karma would reward for Ed Sheeran (left) for making a teenage fan's day on the Late Late Toy Show, you can relax.

He's just played at the Victoria's Secret fashion show.

The gig required him to stand on stage singing tunes while the world's most beautiful women walked past him. Judging by his expression in the pictures, Ed considers himself rewarded beyond even his wildest dreams.


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