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MOD on Monday: Only thing worse than paying Jerry Hall €10k is telling everyone you did, Diarmuid

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Jerry Hall.

Jerry Hall.

Diarmuid Gavin.

Diarmuid Gavin.

Liam Neeson.

Liam Neeson.

Stephanie Roche.

Stephanie Roche.

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Jerry Hall.

ONE SUNDAY newspaper devoted almost half its front page yesterday to plugging a free gardening magazine by Monty Don.

This slender tome was introduced as being the "essential gardening magazine", which prompts the obvious question: what exactly is so essential about gardening, other than to keep one or two slightly eccentric, self-annointed celebrity gardeners in a job?

Such language seems to be part of a campaign to elevate that patch of greenery at the back of your house, whose main point is to give your children somewhere to play and your pet somewhere to poo, into a mystical, life-affirming space, designed to cure all of mankind's ills.

model

Which brings us nicely to Diarmuid Gavin and his curious, green fingered-related encounter with Jerry Hall - which found Ireland's foremost clearer of weeds and the iconic model and former wife of Mick Jagger sharing Louis Walsh's apartment one afternoon.

Lest there be any suggestion of impropriety, however, one must quickly state that the meeting was purely platonic, concerning as is it did Diarmuid's attempt to gain inspiration for a gardening project.

Which, I guess, made it a plant-onic encounter...

We know of the meeting because Diarmuid told us so at the weekend.

And in what is already a front-runner for the most absurd quote of 2015, Gavin revealed that: "I paid £10k to Jerry Hall to lie on a bed for a few hours so I could sketch her shape as inspiration for a garden." Not content with sharing his slightly needy exercise in name-dropping, Gavin felt compelled to add a couple more celebrities to the mix.

"Louis Walsh, who had previously arranged for me to pitch ideas to Simon Cowell, loaned me his London flat for the 'rendezvous' with Jerry."

The garden in question, by the way, is in Bagenalstown, Co Carlow where, perhaps unknown to many inhabitants, the curiously-shaped lawn is a homage to Jerry Hall.

It's hard to know what to make of this revelation, other perhaps that Gavin seems to have a lot more money than sense.

If he wanted to be inspired by Jerry Hall, why on earth didn't he save himself €10k, and download a few photographs of her from the internet?

We know that his famous 'Sky Garden' was inspired by the movie Avatar.

One might previously have thought that Gavin simply spent €5 on renting a DVD of that movie in order to get inspiration for the project, but now I'm not so sure.

Did he insist on hiring the entire cast of the movie for just to be 'inspired'?

One thing, however, is beyond dispute, which is that Diarmuid Gavin would have been better off, not for the first time, keeping his horticultural musings to himself.

After all, there's only one thing worse than doing something quite as arsey as paying a supermodel €10k to inspire a garden.

And that's telling the whole world that you did it.

You're not the man to lecture us, Liam

Liam Neeson has given his tuppence worth on gun crime in the US.

"There's over 300 million guns privately-owned, in America. I think it's a f**king disgrace. Every week now we're picking up a newspaper and seeing, 'Yet another few kids have been killed in schools.'"

This, of course, coming from an actor who has descended to playing parts as one-man killing machines.

Neeson has just trousered $20m to star in the third instalment of Taken, in which he plays an angry father, with a gun, out for revenge, and the trailer of his latest movie, Run All Night, shows him with a gun, blowing away all and sundry.

Liam addressed this inconsistency by denying that his movies encourage people to buy guns: "I grew up watching cowboy movies, loved doing 'Bang, bang, you're dead!' I didn't end up a killer..."

His analogy, however, doesn't stand up. Cowboys 'n injuns movies were escapist fantasy, dealing with a time and a culture that was long gone.

Neeson's movies, however, are notable by being set in the present, in situations that are readily identifiable.

And the hypocrisy of someone who makes millions from movies in which justice is handed out through the barrel of a gun, while simultaneously lecturing us about gun crime, simply defies belief.

 

All eyes on Steph's foot

It's impossible not to like Stephanie Roche who, not content with giving the nation the unusual opportunity to cheer on one of our own at the FIFA Ballon d'Or awards, also displayed a charming element of self-deprecation.    

Commenting on the widely-shown photograph of soccer stars Ronaldo and Messi gazing at her as she walked by in short dress, Stephanie laughed off their attention by suggesting "I think there might have been something on the ground they were looking at that caught their eye."    

And that's exactly what it was, Stephanie. The pair were simply admiring your left foot, scorer of that wonder goal for Peamount United...

* 2015 has started with bang for Ireland's premier pop goblin, Jim Corr, as the Charlie Hebdo massacre has given him the chance to once again air his bizarre conspiracy theories. In the past week, he has posted links on Facebook and Twitter to articles suggesting that the attacks were another 'false flag' operation, carried out by the French authorities themselves so as to incite further hatred towards Muslims. Does he really believe that the French authorities planned the attack, resulting in murders, public shoot-outs and hostage situations, with the subsequent deployment of thousands of police. Welcome back Jim. The world has been a bit too sane with you...

 


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