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It's fed me lies for 25 years – but I'm still in love with Net

HAPPY birthday, internet. Twenty-five is quite the milestone celebration. And like a young girl with a bad 25-year boyfriend, I'm hopelessly addicted to you.

You are full to the brim with misinformation and lies, and I've lost count of how many celebrity death hoaxes you've given me.

#RIPPaulMcCartney trended for a time when Twitter killed him. Celine Dion, Eminem and Justin Bieber were all knocked off by the platform too.

The hashtag #NowThatchersDead, pegged to Margaret Thatcher's passing, was confused with "now that Cher is dead," leading to social media-fuelled rumours. Kim Kardashian (right), confused by the trend, tweeted: "Did I just hear that Cher has passed away? Is this real? OMG."

You are chock full of AEWITELBYTLTWIO, that's Abbreviating Every Word In The English Language Because You're Too Lazy To Write It Out.


You crave my personal information and you've subjected me to endless overshare – no, I don't want to see the ultrasound pictures, nor what she's nearly wearing for him for Valentine's Day.

You are full of scammers. No I won't give you my account details to lodge €1m.

Then there are the sites that need Flash and the ads without volume or pause buttons – I've endured them all.

Okay, there's good stuff. YouTube, blogs, news, streaming and online activism. The Arab Spring, the SOPA blackout campaign and the Occupy Movement demonstrated the power of social media.

Oh, there are also clips of cute cats and babies laughing. We'd never have had them without you.