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Marisa Mackle: Cheats leave signs but who's to blame?

Is your man cheating? Deep down you probably already know. A woman's instincts are pretty strong. Cheryl must have known. And Sandra Bullock must have received warning signs.

But women ignore those niggling feelings that all is not right on Planet Love. Sandra Bullock thanked her husband in her Oscar speech, calling him 'hot'. Well, he's in hot water now.

I once lived with a guy who was a real party animal. He would regularly hit the town three nights a week alone. One day he said: "My friends think you're so understanding. Their girlfriends never let them out of their sight but you actually encourage me to go out."

It was true. I let him do whatever he liked. I reckoned if he was going to cheat, he would do it anyway. I had my own life to lead and didn't want to waste a minute of it wondering whether he was unfaithful.

There are signs that your man's playing off-side, such as when he suddenly joins a gym, after years of being a couch potato. Shopping is a dead giveaway. When your man comes home with fancy new clothes, alarm bells should ring. If he's spending too much time online, you should be worried. Your man isn't really sending work emails to colleagues at midnight. If he never, ever lets his phone out of his sight, it's not a good sign either -- whose number is in it that he doesn't want you to see?

Women of course cheat too, but they are much cleverer about it, and don't get caught as often. She, of course, has no one to blame. Men, on the other hand, have plenty to blame: you, 'it's your fault for not trusting me'; the booze, 'I was out of it'; the other woman, 'she just hopped on me.' Pretty lame excuses so far.

But now they have a legitimate excuse. A new book, An Unsolicited Gift, by the psychiatrist Dr Dennis Friedman, claims that employing a nanny or au pair to look after your baby son could turn him into a womaniser. So not only are your man's infidelities due to his former childminder, but even his own mother is to blame for hiring her in the first place. Be sympathetic with your love rats, ladies. Their indiscretions are entirely other people's fault.