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April 1st is so pointless, I almost didn't believe Longford is a tourist mecca


Zayn Malik

Zayn Malik

Zayn Malik

April Fool's Day is a crappy holiday that needs to be banned. Yesterday we discovered that a giant tourist park is coming to Longford and a sinkhole opened up on Dublin's Dame Street.

Both of these things are amazing. If they're true. The people in Longford County Council and passers-by in Dublin have all sworn a hole in an iron pot that both things are gospel.

The Longford move is reputedly the single biggest private investment in tourism in Irish history.

But because they were announced on April 1, a doubt hangs over both revelations. Instead of being able to chat about the news that Dublin is disappearing into the core of the Earth and Longford is a tourist hub, we've all had to dance around the issues in case someone pointed a finger at us and said 'what kind of naive moron are you? It's April Fool's!'


Being constantly on your guard in case someone mocks you is why most of us are glad to not be teenagers anymore.

Why we allowed the creation of mass paranoia to become a yearly event is a mystery.

It's the absolute reverse of what we should be doing - we are using peer pressure to incentivise people to undermine each other's confidence. We're encouraging people to go out of their way to con and delude others, while pretending it's 'fun'.

On reflection, I may be taking this way too seriously, but I really really want to believe there's a sinkhole in Dame's Street.

I also really really want to believe that David Cameron is Kim Kardashian's cousin, that Zayn Malik has gone solo and that the Government is going to send out several hundred Easter eggs to schools around the country to commemorate the Easter Rising. Tell me it's all true?