Michael O'Doherty: O'Toole's tawdry gossip about Katy is just loathsome

Though his flabby countenance would have you think otherwise, this guy has some neck...

Splashing the words 'special investigation' and 'secret files' over his story, putting himself forward as an expert on the subject, based purely on the fact that he interviewed Katy

for a magazine, and then wrote a book The Last Days Of Katy French which, let's not forget, flopped spectacularly.

Junk

There's nothing new in all this junk, of course.

Far from being a 'special investigation', it's the same collection of gossip and conjecture that he filled his book with, primarily because no one who was actually friends with Katy was willing to talk to him.

His 'new revelations' are simply stories -- some true, others not -- that everyone in the Irish media already knew, but had had the good taste not to publish so as to give Katy's family some kind of peace, nearly three years after her death.

But like a week-old slice of pizza that Jason, judging by his chubby byline photo, is fond of reheating as a mid-morning snack, he's stuffed some of his book's passages into the microwave, and spewed out the steaming, mouldy remains onto a two-page spread.

Secret

The reason it may seem new to readers, of course, is that the contents of his book have always been a well-guarded secret. As practically nobody in the country bought it before it disappeared from view...

Seriously, Oliver, how low can you go?

VERTICALLY integrated. The process by which a person or company controls various levels of a supply chain to achieve maximum control.

When Pixar Studios optioned a movie based on the game Angry Birds, Apple CEO Steve Jobs was shown to be a master of vertical integration -- he sells the game via iTunes, and platforms it via iPhones and iPads.

Vertically challenged. A euphemism for being short, of course. But it should also be an expression for someone who strives to dominate a particular field, but in this column's humble opinion falls miles short. Oliver Callan, of Nob Nation fame, is surely the perfect distillation of the term. He's spread his brand far and wide, from public appearances to radio, TV, the internet and a newspaper column. He has the unique distinction of being involved in five different areas of 'entertainment'. But his Sunday tabloid Nob News cartoon strip set the bar as low as it could go.

Unfunny

Yesterday, it featured stupendously unfunny gags about Wayne Rooney, with a stream of references to 'scoring', 'finishing off in the box', and 'banging them in'.

When Viz magazine created a cartoon strip called 'Finbarr Saunders And His Double Entendres', at least they were being ironic.

But no such self-awareness fetters the mind of wee Oliver, who believes this inane drivel is funny. And he continued limbo-dancing under that low bar on Friday's Late Late Show.

Egged on by Ryan Tubridy, he played homage to David Norris, and his interest in running for the presidency.

Riffing on Norris, he said: "I'd love a gay in the Aras. Next year, it will be myself and Queen Elizabeth, two roaring queens..."; "I'll be enjoying a bit of craic up the Phoenix Park..." etc etc.

Callan moans he was paid only €25,000 by RTE for his Nob Nation radio sketches. But I don't care what Kenny, Tubridy and Finucane earn. Or if they get free car parking, creches and gyms, all paid for by us. It bothers me not if the RTE canteen serves truffle-infused quails eggs washed down with a glass of 1989 Chateau D'Yquem, for €3.95 a head. All I want is that RTE give us that €25,000 back.