Michael O'Doherty: All this fuss on Lorraine's 'tell-all' book...can't the TV3 gang take a little joke?

He was, of course, joking.

And when I read the opening line -- which has gone on to create such a fuss -- of Lorraine Keane's book, Working The Red Carpet, it immediately struck me as being in the same vein.

Boycott

"I've been shouted at, pushed around, propositioned and brought to tears on many occasions -- and that was before I even left the office!"

Reading it, I didn't honestly believe that all these things had literally happened to Lorraine in the TV3 studios in Ballymount. It seems, however, that at least some of her former colleagues have taken it literally, and badly.

And with management having previously said that she would never be welcome in TV3 again, it seems now that even some of her former co-presenters are going to boycott the book launch on Wednesday.

Simple

Lorraine was always going to be in a difficult position in writing an account of her time in TV3 at her stage in life.

On the one hand, you want the book to sound like it's full of juice, for the simple reason that you want people to buy it.

Which is probably why, in the past few months, Lorraine kept quiet while all sorts of rumours were flying around that she was going to reveal the exact circumstances of her abrupt departure from TV3.

I'm guessing she never planned to publish these details, but in letting the rumours grow, Lorraine certainly did nothing to dampen the hype.

On the other hand, you don't want to seem like a kiss-and-tell merchant, or someone who holds grudges, if you're looking to work again in the industry, as Lorraine is.

That, of course, is why most people wait until the end of their careers to write their tell-all stories. After all, they're not going to be afraid of slagging people off if they're not going to have to work with them again.

So when people actually get to read the book, they will find that Lorraine picks her targets very carefully.

The people she criticises are either not Irish, or generally perceived to be deserving of a slagging. And for all the rumours and newspaper headlines, there is nothing about her final few hours in TV3...

Warts

If you want an insight into what goes on behind the scenes in the world of entertainment, buy Working The Red Carpet.

If you want a rollicking, rollercoaster, warts-and-all expose about the dark side of Ireland's best-known celebs, you'll have to wait for VIP -- The Untold Story of Vacuous Irish Primadonnas, which is coming soon.

I am, of course, joking.

Urgent message to Tubridy -- get some decent guests

IRELAND'S biggest movie star Colin Farrell was on a chat show on Friday night to promote his Irish-based movie, Ondine.

Nothing strange about that. But what was strange was that he was on the Graham Norton show on the BBC, while on the Late Late Show, where you'd have expected him to be, Ryan Tubridy was conducting an earnest but terminally dull interview with Labour leader Eamon Gilmore.

And with the revelation the following day that Westlife's appearance on the Late Late had been pulled so that the X Factor could have an exclusive on their new single, it was a bad weekend all round for the longest-running chat show in the world.

Pressure

Sure, the Toy Show will give it a temporary lift, and postpone at least for a week the pressure to find a big star, but what will happen after that, especially when they've run out of guests who are willing to come on because they have books to plug before Christmas?

The Late Late needs a big star to reclaim its place as the show that matters. It needs an Annie Murphy or a Terry Keane moment. And it needs it now.

So stop worrying about whether you should wear a sweater, a shirt or a lycra jump suit on the Toy Show this year, Ryan. Just tell your production team to conjure you up some decent guests.

After one dating show, Jennifer is an expert...

JENNIFER Maguire has presented one episode of RTE's new dating show, One Night Stand, and she's already an expert on relationships.

Asked what advice she would give to certain single Irish celebs, Jennifer came up with the following gems -- Grainne Seoige should date Daithi O Se; Colin Farrell should "settle down with a nice Irish girl"; and Aisling O'Loughlin shouldn't be worried about still not having a man because "as my Mam always says, 'for every aul sock, there's an aul shoe".

My mam has a similar saying, Jennifer -- "put a sock in it, luv".