| 23°C Dublin

Skinny dipping fella had us in stitches

Patsy and I brought the dog for a walk up the canal. It was midday and the searing sun was blistering in its intensity. It was hard to believe we were in Ireland.

"Josie reckons it's so hot her hens will soon be laying hard-boiled eggs," Patsy said, as she did some stretches to loosen up. I could hear her Spandex groaning with the strain.

We had only walked about five metres when she loudly exclaimed that her drawers were stuck to her with the heat. The dog gave a loud sigh as if he had heard it all before.

"You told me you needed the exercise, so we are going for a bloody walk whether we get heat stroke or not," I said to her.

She harrumphed a bit, but plodded on, her drawers squelching. Honestly, she should come with a warning attached: "Don't read this if you are of a fragile disposition."

It really was very hot and I could feel myself dragging, but there was a coffee shop up ahead and its attractions are many.

As we neared the canal lock, we could hear a lot of shouting and roaring – the sound of people having a good time. Indeed they were.

Despite the sign that said 'No Swimming', a couple of lads were jumping into the lock. There was one oul' fella holding on to some weeds at the far side. "Is it cold in there?" I shouted at him.

"Why don't you come in and find out. I'm buck naked."

Can I say at the outset that this oul' fella had a gap where his teeth used to be and a head on him like a boiled ham. He wasn't exactly any woman's dream.

For a second I thought I had misheard him. Patsy hadn't.

"I know why you are in the canal," she shouted back at him.

"Why?"

"Because you look like you need a good wash!"

Yer man's face turned the colour of Elmo and not in a good way. Madder than a box of frogs he roared back, "What did you say?" as he attempted to haul himself out of the water. He was indeed naked as a jaybird.

Patsy, as if she wasn't loud enough, cupped her hands around her mouth and, referring to his nether regions shouted: "An air pump will fix that!"

It was then I discovered just how fast middle-aged women can run in 28 degrees. By the time we reached the car we were in bits and sweating like two pigs in a sausage shop.

"That was hilarious wasn't it?" gasped Patsy.

I think I need new friends ...


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