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Rosanna Davison: I'm stalking my ex on facebook

Q I am jealous of my boyfriend's three-year-old son, no matter how hard I try to understand he is only a child. We're off on holiday in a few weeks time, and guess what, he's coming too.

It means the whole holiday will be about him. It means my boyfriend will have to be available to his ex on the phone 24/7. I feel I am lower down my boyfriend's priorities because of his responsibilities as a dad. I would love just one weekend to be about us only, without his son tagging along.

AI do genuinely sympathise with your position here as it must be very difficult to find yourself in a subordinate position to a toddler.

It also must be hard to know that his ex-girlfriend will always be in contact with him. However, he has huge responsibilities as a father, and I think it's wonderful that he wants to spend time with his son and treat him to a holiday. It's important that you remain supportive and concentrate on tolerating the child being with you on holiday, but I also believe that it's necessary for your boyfriend to realise how you feel about it.

You have probably been trying your hardest to not cause too much fuss or upset, so he may not know that you're so uncomfortable with it. I would advise you to suggest a break away for you both in the near future, that doesn't involve his son. Explain gently that while you're delighted to see him being such a hands-on dad, it's also important for your relationship to get

that time together alone. I'm sure he will be able to understand your reasoning. Best of luck and try to enjoy the break away.

QWhy can't I stop looking at my ex on Facebook? I do it at least three times a night, to check out all the profiles of the girls he is chatting to again and again. It's like an obsession, and I can't stop myself. I broke up with him because of his unreasonable behaviour, so why am I so interested in what he is up to now? I am embarrassing myself, so how can I stop this before he blocks me?

AIt certainly sounds to me that you have developed a worryingly obsessive addiction. It seems to be ruling your life and your thoughts, yet you were the one who ended the relationship. You're putting yourself through more strain and torture and he is perfectly entitled to speak to whoever he wants to on social networking sites.

Presumably he knows that his Facebook page is still visible to you, yet he won't know that you're essentially stalking him unless you're tempted to make a comment on one of his pictures or wall posts, so it's unlikely that he'll have to block you.

My strong advice is to cut all ties with this guy, and delete him as one of your friends yourself. I feel it's the best option for you before this obsession spirals further out of control.

QI keep finding myself entangled with hooked-up men all the time. I am young, single, attractive enough and have a good job, plus my own place, so why do I keep falling for men who are with someone else? My last three relationships have been with guys who are in a serious relationship with other women.

I need to break the habit but just don't know how to.

AI'm relieved that you recognise the dangers of what you have been doing, and that you must stop this immediately. As you're the single woman in this case, you're not the only one to blame as these men should not be getting involved in other women on the side. You could have potentially ruined many lives and ripped apart a number of families.

If this behaviour continues, you will inevitably get caught out, land yourself in serious trouble, gain a lot of enemies and a bad reputation, too.

You must look deep inside to discover why you continually take these risks, in the full knowledge that you're playing with fire. You may lack confidence and feel that winning over a man that's already taken gives your self-esteem a boost. Do you enjoy the drama and danger of the chase, or do you get a kick from the idea that you're stealing another woman's partner? You must take the time to seriously address these questions.

I would recommend that you see a relationship counsellor, seek out a support group, or at the very least, confide in a trusted family member or friend.

QI'm 28 and have been with my boyfriend for four years -- we live together and have had chats about getting married but nothing has ever come of it. I love him so much but it's make or break for me now, I just don't don't know how to have this conversation.

ASince you're both at an age where people generally make the decision to settle down together and you've been together for a reasonably long time, it doesn't seem at all inappropriate to me that you're keen on cementing your future together. You tell me you've spoken to him about marriage already. Does he seem interested or do you get the feeling that he's dismissing the idea too quickly? He may simply not realise how you feel, and if you've broached the issue with trepidation, he may have got the impression that you're not overly interested either, and just brought it up to keep him happy.

You must build up the confidence to tell him exactly how you feel. He'll respect you more for it, and it's vital to speak about these things in a relationship. Be completely open and honest with him, but put no pressure on him to commit to anything. You need to make your feelings clear and explain that you love him but it's important you know where the relationship is going, and whether he thinks it has a long-term future.

Be understanding towards his feelings, and make sure you don't sound like you're giving him an ultimatum. Good luck.


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