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Party snog peril

QI only went and made a pass at my boss at the office Christmas party. We were having a great laugh and I ended up snogging him and he said he had to go to the Gents but never came back.

Later in the nightclub he told me he has had a girlfriend for a few years, but it's not like they're engaged or anything. We had another snog and I think we would have gone further if we hadn't gotten separated in all the goodbyes. He has been pretty cool to me since, how can I make it clear to him that I want to be more than a Christmas fling?

AI suspect that you're not alone in enjoying a cheeky snog at the office Christmas party! While you weren't to know that your boss is in a relationship, it's extremely unfair on his girlfriend to be dismissed because they're not engaged. He still has a commitment towards this woman and a responsibility to be faithful. His coolness towards you makes it clear that he regrets what he did and he's feeling guilty for cheating. Furthermore, I have always believed that a romance with the boss is never a good idea as it puts your job and security in the workplace in jeopardy.

You would be taking a huge risk by trying to pursue what just sounds like a drunken lapse in sensible judgment. As difficult as it may sound right now, I strongly advise you to do your utmost to forget about anything developing with this man, and just concentrate on your career and possibly meeting somebody else.

QYou're going to think I'm very shallow and heartless for what I'm about to admit but, believe me, if I could stop myself thinking it, I would. I'm a good-looking woman and my husband is extremely handsome. I had noticed when we were dating that not all his family are as good-looking as he is. Yet I never expected to have a baby girl who looks like his plain sister. Don't get me wrong, I love my little girl, but when I look at her, I just wished she looked like me or my husband.

AMy job here is to give advice, not pass judgment on others. You have been very honest and I do hope you appreciate being lucky enough to give birth to a healthy baby when so many couples either cannot conceive or have to suffer the heartbreak of stillbirths, sick and premature babies.

As a mother, your focus should be on bringing up your daughter with the best possible love, care and solid foundations that you can manage. Can you imagine how hurt she'd be if she ever discovered that you feel this way about her? Your role is to support, encourage and instill her with as much self-confidence as possible for life's journey.

QI've discovered my boyfriend has a bank account he never told me about. I haven't told him I know, but seeing as we're talking of getting engaged, do you think I should come clean and tell him I know he has thousands stashed away which he has been keeping a secret from me? Also, do you think it augurs well for a marriage when a man has what could be described as an 'affair account'?

AFirstly, I really don't think you should be jumping to conclusions by describing the account as an 'affair account'. If he has never done anything to make you think that he has been or would be unfaithful, then it's very unfair to make such assumptions. It's not unusual for people to try to save up for a rainy day.

It's obviously bothering you, so I would advise you raise the subject with him.

If you discovered the account through snooping then I wouldn't recommend you admit that you've been prying into his private affairs.

Raise the subject casually over dinner and give him the chance to tell you about his savings.

If he denies the money exists then you might want to reconsider how you approach it and tell him what you know.

Just give him the benefit of the doubt and try not to sound accusatory.


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