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BMW Gran Turismo: New GT is simply . . . Bootilicious

SOMETHING terrible has happened to me -- it's called BACFHI Syndrome, and it strikes every few years.

BACFHI (pronounced Back-fi) Syndrome results in seriously heavy bouts of drinking, baldness and a general erosion of the nervous system.

It can manifest itself in a greying of the overall skin-tone and hair area, a deadening of the eyes, and the loss of any will to live.

For me the symptoms presented themselves over a four week period, transforming me into a trembling, non-singing, male version of Susan Boyle.

You see BACFHI is a kind of painful car-buying shingles, which befalls most men, or those of us who have women who like cars.


The only cure for 'Buying A Car For Her Indoors' syndrome is to postpone all reason and sense, and to get her exactly what she wants.

Once the deed is done you get on with the rest of your life, with the knowing thought that a fresh bout of BACFHI is only ever a World Cup away.

Over my four weeks of suffering I brought my wife on a journey which swerved from SUV's to MPVs, we road tripped from luxury saloons to the downright ridiculous, and we travelled from absolute fantasy to reality.

During my double fortnight of suffering we looked at the Toyota Prius -- "but won't I need to stop it"? she wondered, the Ford Galaxy - "too Mammyish," she cried, the Nissan Pathfinder -- "no way am I paying e2k a year road tax," she moaned.

We also considered the new BMW 5 Series, a couple of different Mitsubishis, a Land Rover Discovery and even an Audi Q7.

And if I had let her, she would have considered every other motor available to womankind and beyond.

In the end she settled on a glorious Nissan Qashqai +2, which she fell in love with immediately and suddenly my symptoms disappeared, the blood returned to my cheeks and the clumps of hair all grew back.

The point is, if your wife is ever looking to change her car, have her come up with a very short list of options and don't make the fateful mistake: "Well what sort of car would you like, dear?"


Now if I had the choice, and if I had an infinite budget, the ultimate family car is also my car of the year, so far - the delicious BMW Gran Turismo.

Like most BMW fans I was highly sceptical when I heard that it was going to be released in hatchback form.

But that was way before I knew what it would be built on the 7 Series model, and would effectively be a supercar with a practical boot space.

And the world's most exclusive hatchback has no rivals -- there is nothing like it on the planet.

It's all things to all men, and women - a supercar, and SUV, a family saloon, and a luxury dream machine.

Oh yeah, it's absolutely huge inside and out.

Among the many highlights of the GT are the split rear tailgate, arcing roofline and the typically brilliant BMW extras, from onboard entertainment to the delicious on-road performance, and the superb BMW Dynamic Drive Control which comes in three chassis settings -- Comfort and Sports, as well as Sports Plus.

As you would expect of a car of such stature it comes with a pretty eye-watering price tag, and there aren't many who will be willing to pay the e90k.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that this is a breath-taking dream machine ... just don't tell the wife.