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Mini Marvel

YOU cannot beat a proper public break-up to wet the whistle.

The TomKat split and subsequent divorce was the horror ending to the girl meets weirdo, girl marries weirdo and girl discovers weirdo is a weirdo story.

It was the sort of stuff you couldn't write, so it's perhaps appropriate that the Irish Motor Writers Association have come up with the most fantastic break-up story of the year.

We already broke the news of the David V Goliath battle that was the IMWA's attack on the new kid on the block, the Motorcheck.ie Fleet Car Awards 2012.

At the time we revealed the contents of a barmy missive in which members were threatened with dawn decapitation if they dared cooperate with the new car gongs.

Well today we can tell you that the mullahs are deliberating and the very first public execution is about to take place, with Irish Motor Writer Jarlath Sweeney looking set to lose his head any day now.

Jarlath -- a West of Ireland hack (still not reason enough on its own for a good old guillotining) -- will lose his place on the IMWA for the very reason that he is the boss of Fleet Magazine.

Now, an organisation which has already lost a significant number of members in recent years, booting another one off, is a bit like the white rhino lobbying in favour of the ivory trade.

But these beards are a determined lot and they will sacrifice the young Jarlath in order to set down a marker on any other infidels who dare to shave off their beards and look at another man's woman, or in particular his Car of the Year Awards.

The greatest tragedy of all for poor Sweeney is that the brainchild for the Motorcheck.ie Fleet Car Awards is not him, but his sidekick Cathal Doyle.

Luckily for Doyle he is not a member of the Motor Writing Taliban so he doesn't fall under their laws, leaving just Jarlath with his neck on the block.

A car that didn't but probably should have topped the new Fleet Motorcheck Car of the Year 2012 Awards, is the Mini Cooper Coupe.

It is certainly the best small car this year and is far and away the most unique looking new car.

It's the beautiful looking one that's made its way onto my drive for some time even if it looks like a beanbag on wheels.

Take off of 0-100kph of 9 seconds and a top whack of 204kph.

It's held together by a quite exhilarating 122 bhp which throws out an awful lot of power when you demand it.

The Mini is of course also a work of modern art.

Mine had delicious stripes on the outside and the inside was once again unmistakeably Mini - you customise the whole look to your tastes.

The big speed dial face in the middle, the gloriously simple sound system, and the utterly charming dashboard are some of the most familiar features in motoring today.

The Mini Cooper Coupe is simply stunning, even if it does look like a fat woman has been dropped on the back roof of a Clubman.

And how can you not love that pop up spoiler which I'm told can add 80kph worth of performance on the open road.

The Mini Cooper Coupe will cost you €23,410.

A VW Golf, a Skoda Superb, an Audi A4, BMW 5 Series Touring and BMW 5 Series have all won gongs in their sections at the Motorcheck.ie Fleet Car 2012 Awards.