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Making moooves on NY resolutions

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 Marie Carberry

Marie Carberry

Marie Carberry

"I thought you said your New Year's resolution was that you were not going to succumb to the lure of the sales."

I said this to Maggie when she appeared at the coffee shop in a brand new coat that was so large the swing on it could have created a back draught to power a couple of wind turbines. It was actually big enough to fit Hagrid from Harry Potter.

"I know but I just couldn't resist. It's one of those fake ones and it was reduced from €500 down to €150. What do you think?"

It was hard to know quite what to think. The coat was fake alright but any resemblance to fur ended there. The background colour was off white and it was embossed with big black patches. "It's actually fake calf-skin," she explained.

GENUINE

The intention may have been a Friesian cow but there was also a look of Dalmatian about it. Patsy reckoned if we slap a lead on her, Maggie can do the double and take a prize at both the Ploughing Championships Heifer section and Best Large Dog at Crufts.

"Did she buy it in a pet shop?" Josie wondered aloud. Maggie took serious umbrage. "I'll have you know this is genuine fake calf-skin."

Are you sure? said Patsy, sniffing around Maggie like a bloodhound in a butcher shop. "It smells fresh out of the abattoir to me."

Maggie shrugged off the coat and hung it on the back of her chair, where it attracted the attention of a couple of half-dead flies. At one stage, I thought I saw it move but I'm hoping it was just a trick of the light.

"I'm giving up the drink," said Patsy with a sigh.

Along with trying to lose weight, she tries this every year and fails miserably. The most she lasts is about 10 days before she realises she's just not cut out for the monastic lifestyle. She isn't the only one.

Research shows that about 45pc of people make New Year resolutions but only 8pc actually stick to them.

Out of seven European countries surveyed a number of years ago, Irish people fared the least successful with only 5pc sticking to their guns.

The most popular resolutions are going on a diet, joining a gym, giving up alcohol, packing in the cigarettes and aiming to spend more time with family and friends.

The worst day for giving up resolutions is just around the corner, January 10, which isn't great news for those family and friends.

As for Maggie's coat, it hasn't been seen since. We think it may be in one of those recycling bins. Either that or it's escaped.


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