Edele Lynch and her B*Witched band mates can't believe their luck. Everyone around me is going nuts for this denim-clad, Nineties-pop foursome, most famous for a) being Irish, and b) chatting up boys in trees (remember C'est la Vie?). And then, just as it seems the girls might scrape through this 'Big Reunion' lark with their dignity intact, Edele ruins the whole damn thing. "When I say 'ah heaaaare ... '" she yells.
Christ, Edele, leave it out. It was funny the first time around. A bit like their 'career', and the 'careers' of six other forgotten pop acts, all of whom have gathered under the one roof to relive their glory days. What is The Big Reunion? It's a successful ITV2 reality show about a BIG, cheesy pop reunion. Simple as. And if X Factor can bring its spotty, naive contestants on tour, then surely Kerry Katona can agree to behave herself for two weeks.
Speaking of Kerry, whose idea was it to let this woman near a stage? And what about that jumpsuit, eh? Fortunately, Atomic Kitten is a trio, and both Natasha and Liz (though dressed like members of a Saturdays tribute act) can at least hold a note.
Everyone loves Kerry, though. And who knows? Future scholars might write theses on this laughable excuse for a pop star. Just as people will no doubt spread stories about boy band 911's legendary comeback. Ever wondered what it might be like to see a gang of construction workers breakdancing and bodyshakin'? 911 fill in the blanks. That's the thing about The Big Reunion. It is, essentially, a cringe-inducing, holiday entertainment package. On tour! With popcorn!
If this is it for some of the desperate boys and girls on stage, at least it's mildly entertaining.
Liberty X – a surprisingly tight five-piece whose only weak link is their over eager Irish member – are calling it quits again.
Blue never really went away. Vocally, they're in a whole other league. Division Two, say. But even they can't help but embarrass themselves.
Which leaves us with R&B trio Honeyz (bargain bin Destiny's Child) and former pop rap princes Five (there are only four of them now). Oh, and it lasts for three hours. What a night.