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Laura, there's no such thing as 'the right job' back at home

EVER find yourself shouting at your newspaper? Banging your pint down on the counter and making people jump, saying, "Don't do it, for God's sake. What are you thinking?"

Well, this column has. And believe us when we tell you, Laura Whitmore, the folks down the local don't appreciate it, so please do us all a favour and get your head screwed on straight.

The 27-year-old, London-based MTV beauty this week revealed she would 'love to return home to Ireland' if the right job came up. And the canny reader will have spotted five good reasons in that sentence alone why she'd be crazy to do so.

She's young, gorgeous, lives in a place with a vibrant visual media market and has a starring role with a trendy and lucrative broadcaster.

But the best and most obvious reason she should curb any romantic notion of returning to this island is that there is no 'right job' -- not in what she does, not here.

Look, Laura can be forgiven for her misplaced patriotism. These things happen when you live far from home. That's why Irish bars do so well abroad. That's why Paddy's Day parades tend to be bigger and better in places like New York and Chicago.

In cities like London and New York, there is so much opportunity for someone like Laura that, once there and living that life, it's difficult to imagine why you shouldn't be able to have all the best things about your life but back home, in 'the right job'.

But one of the few opportunities Laura doesn't have is to tune in to our national broadcaster from time to time. Because if she could, any words about returning here to work in anything close to what she's so eminently qualified for, would turn to ash in her mouth.

The simple fact is, what Laura has in London is what countless back home would aspire to have.

And Laura, if London doesn't hack it, set your sights on New York or LA, the fun and sunny places oozing with media opportunities that a job with the likes of MTV could so easily pave the way into.

Never look back. Don't make me get all Old Testament on you, just consider Ireland a television Gomorrah -- turn your head and you'll become a pillar of salt.

Go on, shoo now -- and don't come back here unless it's on a holiday. We'll roll out the green carpets.

But for heaven's sake, make sure you have a return ticket and don't listen to any offers for 'the right job' while you're here. Because if I see you on RTE down the local, I'll probably be barred.