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JOSE'S LIFE STORY NOT TURNING OUT QUITE THE WAY HE THOUGHT

As Patsy was having trouble with her gob and feeling very sorry for herself I called over to see her.

When I arrived I found Jose in the kitchen putting a lid on a large saucepan and muttering to himself in his native language. He looked like one of the witches from Macbeth.

"What are you cooking?" I asked him.

Slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand, he lifted the lid to show me. Simmering within were about thirty chicken drumsticks. I gave him my 'WTF look'.

"Mi wifey ha perdido la razon ," he replied which roughly translates as, "my wife has lost her marbles."

Well, we all knew that.

I found his wifey lying on the couch in the sitting room. She was holding her mouth and moaning for Ireland. Beside her was a half empty bottle of wine. I couldn't see a glass so I presumed she was slugging it by the neck.

The histrionics were all because she had endured root canal treatment that afternoon. She made it sound as if she had undergone open heart surgery.

After exchanging niceties, I couldn't help but ask what was with all the chicken drumsticks. She pointed to the culprit.

Sitting in front of the TV was Sami the cat. He was watching David Attenborough's Life Story. It was an episode about birds and the frisky feline couldn't take his eyes off it.

CRICK

"I gave him a bit of chicken leg recently and now he refuses to eat anything else. Not only that but he won't come to the table until the credits roll on Life Story," she explained, as she took a slug from the bottle before offering it to me.

Having been in her company for all of five minutes I felt I needed something stronger. Like a double gin. Or at least a Xanax.

Jose poked his head in the door and declared the drumsticks were ready. He didn't look to pleased.

"Feck sake, ese gato se va a bad neck si sique mirando a la telly como la." I looked to Patsy for a translation.

"He's saying Sami will get a crick in his neck if he keeps looking up at the telly like that."

With that, she leapt off the couch, grabbed a small coffee table, put it in front of the TV and plonked Sami in the middle. Sure enough, he stayed until the credits rolled and then headed for the kitchen where he took his place at the table. Jose doled him out some drumsticks.

"I tink when I meet nice chica Irlandes I will have normal life," he sighed.

Fat chance!


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