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I want more than one-night stand


Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Rosanna Davison. Photo: Brian McEvoy

Relationships examined

Q Do you think it's ever possible to move a one-night stand into a relationship?

I spent the night with a guy from work, who I've known for about a year, and get on really well with. It was after a leaving do for one of our colleagues who is heading off to Sydney, and who we all really love, so things got a bit emotional towards the end of the night. I'd had a fair few cocktails by that point, and one thing led to another. The sex, especially the following morning, was pretty intense, but in the best way ever. Now he blushes every time he sees me and is very friendly yet at the same time he doesn't treat me any differently from any of the other girls in the office. Have I blown any chance I ever had of going out with him by sleeping with him? I really like him.

A What happened is done now and it was a result of the intensity of the moment coupled with the influence of alcohol.

There is really no point in fretting over what might have happened if you hadn't slept with him. He may feel strongly about you, but could be getting mixed messages from you, so you really need to consider that possibility too. If he blushes so much around you, that's a sign that he's shy and doesn't know the next step to take. If I were you, I would invite him for a casual coffee, lunch or trip to the cinema. Something that doesn't involve booze.

Get to know each other on a less physical level, away from the office environment and have a good chat. Don't be afraid to ask him out as you might be waiting a long time for him to build the courage to ask you out. And, as always, practise safe sex if you do end up in bed together again.

Q A friend has asked if she can borrow my boyfriend for a wedding. I feel odd about the whole thing. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend, and since she is from the country, her family won't have any way of knowing that my boyfriend isn't really hers, if you know what I mean. She is desperate not to be single at her younger cousin's wedding. It would mean my boyfriend partying with my friend and then spending a night in the same hotel as her. She is extremely pretty and good fun and while I am inclined to trust them both, I have been made a fool of in the past, by both boyfriends and friends.

AThis sounds extremely odd to me too. It's just not something that would ever be appropriate. Even if you trust your boyfriend implicitly, it would still be strange for her to bring him along as her date, and it could potentially cause all sorts of confusion down the line.

In your position, I would absolutely say no to your friend's request. Surely she has a male friend, classmate or colleague that she could bring along as her date.

But if not, there is really nothing wrong with turning up single and she might even meet a potential suitor at the wedding. She has just gone through a break-up and is possibly feeling reckless and is on the rebound, so I strongly advise that you keep yourself and your boyfriend out of it. She will surely understand your point of view.

Q My mum gets really jealous whenever anything good happens to me.

My boyfriend is taking me away to Paris for our one year anniversary and my mum has been going around the house muttering "It's well for some," and "Be careful not to fall into the Seine".

It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing. It was the same when he got me a fabulous handbag for my birthday, which she borrowed and I had to wrench back off her. She has plenty of lovely things of her own.

When I got promoted in work she told me there must have been a shortage of "serious candidates".

I'm great at making my own clothes – everyone gives me credit for being a whizz at designing – yet last week when I wore a dress I'd made she made a joke about me thinking I was Victoria Beckham.

Help, as I am just not a confrontational person by nature and yet sometimes I just want to pour a glass of water over her head. A very large cold one.

A To me, this sounds so bizarre as parents are supposed to be happy for their children's successes and want nothing but happiness for them. Your mum's behaviour sounds as if she's a little bit jealous of you and all the good things that happen to you.

While it's absolutely no excuse to treat you poorly, she may be feeling a little bored and dissatisfied with her own life, and simultaneously trying to live vicariously through you while preventing you from enjoying it too much.

You may not like confrontation, but you cannot allow this to continue and potentially ruin your relationship if you're holding onto so much frustration.

My advice is to speak to her directly about it. She is your mother after all and discourse should be encouraged.

List all the times she's behaved in this way and make her aware of her actions. Tell her how it's making you feel.

It will hopefully make her realise that she needs to stop treating you like this.