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I can't tell him about our baby as he betrayed me

Q My husband of two years has admitted to a brief affair with a work colleague six months before we married. I am devastated and I simply do not understand why he told me.

He said it was a last fling to prove to himself that marrying me was the right thing. After a few meetings with this woman he was convinced that I was his future and he was disgusted with his behaviour, but the guilt haunts him.

Now I think our whole relationship has been a sham. We're both in our early 30s and I have just found out I am pregnant with our first child. I have not told anyone about the affair or the pregnancy. I thought we had the perfect life but his affair cancels out everything.

A It must be completely devastating for you to have to find this out at this stage. It will bring trust issues into consideration, although his decision to tell you is brave and he has obviously got deep regrets. But this is an issue that you must deal with together for the sake of your unborn child. I'm a believer in second chances and the fact that he has confessed and tried to reassure you that you're the only woman he wants to be with may help his case.

My advice is to not rush into any decisions, but to work as a couple to address what he has done and come up with a solution.

He will have plenty of work to do to regain your trust, but I do believe your marriage can be saved.

It may be worthwhile for you both to speak to an experienced relationship counsellor.

Q A good friend of mine told me at the weekend that she has been out on a few dates with an ex-boyfriend of mine. Apparently they bumped into each other about a month ago and my pal agreed to meet reluctantly. They ended up having a great night and she intends to keep seeing him.

She wanted my blessing and I gave it to her, but the whole thing makes me feel uneasy.

It was not a serious romance between my ex, so why do I feel so miffed about them being together? It's as if she has broken some unspoken code and I just don't trust her now.

A I do understand your point about that unspoken code. But at the same time, he is your ex for a reason.

It was mature of your friend to admit that she has been seeing him and it was he who initiated their first date. So my advice is to be the bigger person and move on.

They're both adults who have every right to see whoever they want to. Your friend did the right thing telling you but she wasn't asking for your permission and nor should she have to.

I would urge you to wish them every happiness together and hope it works out for the best, and then don't dwell on it.

Q I'm trying to lose weight sensibly. Walking is the easiest thing for me to incorporate into my routine so I take a lunchtime stroll and get off the bus early on my way home. I ditched the sweets and crisps and bring in a homemade lunch. I have smaller portions and eat slower too. For snacks I fill up on fruit and sometimes yoghurt. But after one month I haven't lost a single pound. My pals says I am eating too much fruit but surely you can snack on something?

A It's great to hear that you're trying to lose weight the healthy way and that you've been exercising.

However, it's time to re-evaluate your diet. My advice would be to cut out dairy, sugar and wheat products. Get your calcium from leafy, dark green vegetables instead. Fruit will not make you gain weight as it has very little effect on your blood sugar. It is packed with vitamins and antioxidants, and is a super way to help reduce sugar cravings and balance out your mood.

Focus on filling up on low-calorie, dense but highly nutritious whole foods such as fruit and vegetables. If you are a meat-eater, have a small amount of lean meat, but try to incorporate more low-fat vegetable protein sources like beans and lentils.

Also, gluten-free grains such as quinoa, brown rice and buckwheat are filling and delicious.

Concentrate on feeding your body the nutrients it needs to work properly and never drastically reduce calories as it will go into starvation mode, lowering your metabolic rate. Don't forget to drink plenty of water too.


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