"THAT'S it. I've had it with cycling. The bikes are going on Done Deal before they do any more damage to our private parts," gasped Patsy as she took her seat in the coffee shop.
She was wheezing like a bellows and her face was the same colour as a rooster potato, giving us the impression that she had actually cycled from her house.
"Nah, that's just from running up the stairs," she panted as she clutched her ample bosom which was heaving like a ferry in a force 12 gale.
When she finally caught her breath she explained that she had, the previous night, read a newspaper article which suggested that cycling can interfere with a person's sexual health.
"It's a disgrace that they don't give you this information in the bicycle shop, but did you know that too much cycling can give a man erectile dysfunction!" she loudly exclaimed.
The three of us slunk in our seats. We didn't know but we knew now -- as did half the people in the coffee shop.
"The last thing I need is a new husband who can't do the biz," she sighed.
It was the last thing we needed as well because we'd have to listen to her moaning about it for the rest of our natural lives.
She then went on to tell us how recent research has shown that women who cycle at least 50 miles a week could also be in trouble.
The study found out that it was the position of the handlebars that had the most effect. The lower the handlebars, the more the women sit forward which puts pressure on their pelvic area.
When the handlebars are actually lower than the saddle (i.e. dropped handlebars) it forces the women to straighten their backs, thereby putting the most amount of pressure on the pelvis. It's this pressure that can affect a woman's sexual health.
"Patsy, for a start you can barely throw your leg over the saddle so it's safe to say you haven't cycled 50 miles in a month, never mind in one week. Secondly, the handlebars on your bike are so high you could use your ears to turn them left or right. There is no way that your cycling is going to affect your sex life," said Josie.
"That may well be but at my age I'm not taking any chances. The bikes are going and that's that."
We wondered aloud what Jose might think of losing his beloved bicycle.
"I've told him already there is only one type of riding he needs to be doing," Patsy said with a wink.
The three of us slunk even further down in our seats.