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Dear Rosanna: Why do I never feel good enough?

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Rosanna Davison pictured at The Candlelight Bar Summer Party at Siam Thai Dundrum Town Centre in aid of The Ispca
Picture:Brian McEvoy
No repro fee for one use

Rosanna Davison pictured at The Candlelight Bar Summer Party at Siam Thai Dundrum Town Centre in aid of The Ispca Picture:Brian McEvoy No repro fee for one use

Rosanna Davison pictured at The Candlelight Bar Summer Party at Siam Thai Dundrum Town Centre in aid of The Ispca Picture:Brian McEvoy No repro fee for one use

Rosanna answers readers queries on self-esteem, going on holidays with family and rumour-mongers

I constantly compare myself to other women and I know this is largely why I feel so uneasy with myself most of the time but I seem unable to control it.

For example, I can leave the house feeling slim and  delighted with how I look, but the minute I get where I am going I look at how lovely other women look and I just hate myself and plan to eat less, work out more, buy better clothes etc.

This head space means that over the years it takes me longer and longer to get ready and feel okay enough to go anywhere – the amount of time, effort and money I spend on my appearance is huge, yet I am still so average.

 

There will always be somebody younger, prettier, slimmer and smarter than us, so what is the point in always comparing yourself to others?

It’s the recipe for a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. We are all individuals and have both physical and personality characteristics that make us stand out for the best reasons.

If you feel good about yourself and you strive each day to be the best possible version of yourself, then that inner confidence will be the most attractive thing about you.

We look at another person as a whole rather than the sum of their parts, so focus on being a kind and warm person as well as looking your best on the outside.

Of course, taking the time to get plenty of rest, nourishing food and regular exercise will do wonders for your external appearance and self-esteem.

My advice is to relax, learn how to highlight your best features and stop comparing yourself to other people. We are all unique.

 

I’m in my 20s, I like my own company very much and find large gatherings and social occasions a bit stressful – you’d never guess but I breathe a sigh of relief when they are over – and Christmas was a big one to get over.

Now my family want to plan a holiday abroad together this summer – the talk of it kicked off in December and it seems to have become a real possibility now with some extended family keen to come too.

This is my worst nightmare – how do I break it to my parents that I just can’t imagine going away en masse and enjoying it?

Plenty of people feel the same as you and it’s perfectly healthy to enjoy your own company. In fact, many experts would encourage it as it enables you to develop your own personality, thoughts and opinions away from those of others.

I can completely appreciate why you find these family occasions stressful as it can take a lot of your mental and physical energy to remain enthusiastic and interested in them when all you want to do is relax on your own.

But a single day-long celebration like Christmas will inevitably be different to a family holiday, because everyone else will want to enjoy their own downtime too and have their own agenda.

You may get together for a meal each evening, but you’ll definitely have the chance to spend plenty of time on your own. You’ll most likely relax into the holiday and really enjoy the quality time spent with your loved ones, so my advice is to give it a chance and make it clear to the others that you like your quiet time too.

 

Some of the girls in school started a rumour about me when we were on holidays – that I slept with a boy from a school across the road from ours. This made its way online and now it has spread so far that people I don’t even know are writing nasty things about me.

I don’t know this boy at all and have never even met him – I think they have destroyed my reputation forever and I don’t know how to fight back because no one will believe a denial.

 

It’s such a shame that people feel inclined to spread nasty and untrue rumours about others. But the most likely reason for this is because they’re jealous of you and have made it their mission to destroy your reputation.

Unfortunately, social media enables false stories to spread like wildfire, and all of the angry keyboard warriors then feel that they have a right to be judgemental about others.

In this case, they’re judging your alleged actions and not you as a person, so it’s crucial for you to not take this personally or let it get you down.

You’re right that a denial will most likely make it look like it really happened and bring it to the forefront of their minds again, so my advice is to hold your head up high and get on with your life as normal -–refuse to be drawn on the rumour at all.

It will drive the bullies crazy that they haven’t been able to affect you and eventually the whole thing will be forgotten about.


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