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Dear Rosanna: 'Should I agree to make a sex tape?'

Our new agony aunt Rosanna Davison offers advice on a boyfriend's fantasy, a flirty dad and how to get the body you want

Dear Rosanna My boyfriend has suggested we make a sex tape, as we don’t live together, and he would like to watch it on the nights I’m not staying over with him.

We are both 21, I live at home and he lives in the basement of his parents’ house but they are usually abroad so it’s easy for me to stay over with him. So why does he want a sex tape if I already spend a lot of time with him? I do not consider myself a prude, but I am afraid he will show the tape to his friends. They are a wild lot.

Rosanna says:

While I think it's great to be open-minded, the idea of anybody creating a sex tape deeply concerns me. A healthy sex life is important for any adult relationship, but as you live at home and he lives close to his parents, the danger of them discovering the tape would be high.

Men are stimulated visually more so than women so I can understand the appeal for him of making a tape, but my advice is to discourage him from the idea as you spend enough time together already and nothing can really compare to actual physical contact with a partner. Him showing the tape to his friends would be a disloyal thing to do but it's still a concern for you.

Plus, if the relationship were to take a turn for the worse, he could potentially use the tape for revenge or manipulation. Can you imagine if that ended up all over the internet? It's a very personal and intimate decision to make but I strongly advise you not to make a tape.

Dear Rosanna I cringe every time friends call over, because my father flirts outrageously with them. He is so embarrassing, and always finds excuses to pop into my bedroom for a chat, to offer my friends refreshments or a lift home. He is completely different when it’s just me and my mum and my two brothers in the house. I’ve mentioned it to my mum but she just rolled her eyes and said “Join the club, he’s been embarrassing me for years”. I don’t think this is good enough, how can I get my dad to stop hitting on my friends?

Rosanna says:

This situation needs to be handled quite delicately as you obviously want to avoid offending your dad or putting off your friends from spending time at your family home. At least your mum is aware of the situation and can support you, although it sounds like she's given up attempting to stop him from flirting with your friends. The best and possibly only way to deal with this is to sit him down for a very honest conversation.

Without causing him to become annoyed or defensive, try gently explaining that you've noticed his behaviour change in front of your friends and while it may have become habitual for him, it's making you feel very uncomfortable.

Say that you want your friends to feel happy and safe in your home and his flirtatiousness may discourage them from calling over in the future. He may just not realise he has been inappropriate but once he learns of your feelings, he is bound to re-evaluate his behaviour.

Dear Rosanna, How many calories a day do you eat? I am 14 and love your figure and want to look like you. I have tried eating a lot of fruit but it didn’t work and only upset my stomach. I have tried to stay off junk food but there is very little to do around here but go to the cinema and eat a burger and chips. I have thought about going to a gym but I don’t have the money. I don’t want to start smoking. My friends think you’re beautiful, especially the boys. Please tell me how to get slim quickly.

Rosanna says:

Thank you very much! Achieving and maintaining your dream figure takes hard work and commitment so it is something that you should think of as a complete lifestyle change rather than looking for a quick fix.

Apart from the risks of losing weight too quickly, studies have shown that in most cases, any weight lost will be gained back once normal eating resumes.

I don't count calories or weigh myself as most women find that their weight is in constant flux, depending on their monthly cycle, and that is totally normal. Instead I concentrate on eating small, regular meals based on lean protein, whole grains and lots of fresh veggies. While fruit is full of vitamins, too much of it can impact your blood sugar levels and end up making you feel more hungry. It's best enjoyed in moderation.

Start making changes to your daily diet to incorporate clean, fresh food and try to eliminate anything processed, sugary, salty and high in fat. Rather than going for a junk food meal, try suggesting somewhere you can enjoy fresh salads and soups. Try to eat five to six small meals a day, one about every three hours to boost your metabolism. Never starve your body as it will slow down your entire system and encourage weight to be stored.

Watching portion sizes is very important. It's essential to get active to lose weight and achieve better health. Try to get moving for 30 minutes at least five days a week and you will soon notice a difference in your waistline, health and concentration levels. There's no need to spend money on an expensive gym membership when walking or jogging outside is free and just as effective! All you'll need to invest in is good, supportive footwear. I hope that helps -- good luck!

Ask Rosanna send your questions to rosanna@herald.ie


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