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Have zelebrities no sense of shame at all?

FONTRUM. It's American slang for feeling embarrassment for someone who doesn't have enough sense to feel as embarrassed as they should.

As in, when I read that the Tallifornians waded into an online row with the Geordie Shore crew about who was better-looking, I felt fontrum for them.

Cast member Charlotte tweeted that Irish men were a humpbacked, maimed lot. Alright, she wasn't that blunt. But she did tweet that she'd never clapped eyes on a good-looking Irish man.

Clearly she's never been introduced to Michael Fassbender, then. Or Shay Given. Or a whole host of other buachaills. What is the collective noun for a group of good-looking Irish men? A lash?

All besides the point, really. Tweeting, re-tweeting and engaging with such flim-flam claptrap is the stock in trade of zelebrities.

I suppose it's a career in itself. Or rather it gives a little CPR to one that's on life support.

Just like a pregnancy, say. There was a time when it was damaging for your career. Now it can launch it.


Exposure is what keeps you alive. Even if it means you tweet back, as Tallafornia's Phil did, pithy verse such as "@CharlotteGShore ur hardly an oil painting #spudhead". Just tragic, Phil.

By the way, we know that this tantastic, hair-extentioned community is not a representation of everyone in Tallaght.

Just like there's a Cormac and a Kelly hopping on a sunbed in every town in Ireland.

What about a new, interactive TV3 show featuring the entire lot. Viewers can vote them off one by one.

I'm A Zelebrity ... Get Me Off Your Screen!