NOT even 9½ weeks could convince me that food should be part of foreplay. I like my strawberries in a bowl with a big dollop of Greek yoghurt, and they go neatly into my mouth, not all over the kitchen.
All I could think during the 'sexy' food-fight scene was 'someone's going to have to clean that up'.
I know that there are those who reckon food can spice things up in the bedroom, but I'm more of a 'let's work up an appetite and eat later' kinda gal.
Which is why I thought EastEnders star Shona McGarty being thrown out of Asda after a 'yoghurt incident' with her co-star and boyfriend Matt Lapinskas was hilarious. But I was laughing at the fools, not with them.
This pair of eejits, who are 20 and 25 respectively, as in old enough to know better, seemed to be trying to emulate Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke -- from Hollywood to EastEnders rarely comes with a happy ending. It ended with the actress being asked to leave the supermarket -- I would have asked her to clean up and pay for the yoghurts first.
Sun readers, who obviously skip right past page three each day, had the scoop: "It was disgusting," they told the newspaper. "The man was opening up pots and looked as if he was throwing it around. Then the girl started to smear it over herself in a suggestive manner.
"I had my kids aged 10 and nine with me and they certainly don't need to see that in the aisles of Asda."
A spokesperson for the Watford, Herts branch clearly had more of a sense of humour than some of the customers: "This isn't us being Albert squares," they said. "As with any customer found to be causing a ruckus in our stores, we politely asked the culprits to leave so they didn't offend other shoppers."
The couple only started dating in September so either they are still in the first flush or things have already become boring. Either way, if you see them in your local supermarket, move them away from the butter aisle.