Tesco in Cardiff caused a bit of a furore last week by banning the wearing of pyjamas in their store. Tesco believe that if you can't be bloody-well bothered to get dressed up to buy a couple of packets of Jammy Dodgers then don't come into the store at all.
I spotted my first pyjama wearer in Kildare recently when filling up at a petrol station. A middle-aged woman staggered, bleary eyed, out of her Micra and, with a yawn so wide I could nearly see her colon, she wrenched the pump from its station. Her attire consisted of pink pyjama bottoms embossed with little white rabbits which went nicely with her fleecy, pink top. Embossed with one big white rabbit with pink eyes (as if it had myxomatosis), this top was heavily stained with what looked like tea, but could have been Guinness. Her rather large feet were encased in a pair of slippers that strongly resembled two Chihuahuas after a bare-knuckle fight. It must be my age but, like Tesco, my sensibilities were also offended. Unlike Tesco, I didn't like to make a point of it in case I got savaged by her Chihuahuas.
"That's all very well, but what happens when people start wearing their underwear when out shopping. Will they ban them as well?" asked Josie to no one in particular.
"You mean like pushing your trolley around in your knickers?" said Maggie, with a look in her eye that said she was up for it.
"Not quite. But women have started to wear their bras so everyone can see them and I recently saw pictures of women wearing those sheer lace body thingys as if they were T-shirts. The designer ones can cost up to €275 so they say there is no point in hiding them under your clothes."
"When you say sheer, do you mean you can see everything?" asked Patsy.
"Yep, right down to the two puppies with the pink noses," confirmed Josie.
"There is no way Tesco will allow that," said Maggie.
"There is a solution: nipple pads," said Josie.
There was a groan as we recalled breastfeeding and those pads we had to insert inside our bras to mop up the leakage.
"These pads are more of a fashion accessory than a mother's aid. You can get them on eBay for about €10 or, if you are a cheapskate, you could always use duct tape."
We are cheapskates so if you see four women being escorted from Tesco, wearing sheer thingys and our mammaries covered with duct tape, it's us . . .