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The secret life of...The Hunky Dory girls

Sunday: Sitting in our secret lair on top of a crinkle-cut peak somewhere in the Alps, it occurs to us that maybe there's someone out there who hasn't yet seen the female rugby player with her boobs out. Somewhere. We'll find them.

>Monday: We've now featured in every newspaper in the land -- and our ad campaign keeps being referred to as 'controversial'. Boobs and crisps -- what a winning combination.

>Tuesday: We have no problem giving sound bites to the press but if anyone asks, our thinking behind the whole thing was all about female empowerment. Oh, and Benny Hill.

>Wednesday: After speeding, our ad campaign is the second biggest cause of road pile-ups in the State, as absent-minded motorists ogle our billboards. Score!

>Thursday: Sure, we've got plenty of mileage out of the athletic chick and her boobs, but it's time to look ahead. Being two steps in front is everything in this game. Question: What's sexier than a sexy chick eating crisps?

>Friday Answer: Two sexy chicks feeding each other crisps and thus simulating what the heterosexual male imagines to be a typical lesbian relationship, of course! And that, in turn, leads the viewer to imagine that they're about to be asked to join in. Genius!

>Saturday: This time we want to feature Irish models, for a home-grown feel. Now, where could

we find a nice pair . . . who'd give it their all with only a packet of crisps and each other for company?