Who knew that Dutch Gold, hoop earrings and fire-retardant fabrics could be such fun? I don't know why chavs look so miserable.
The papers are making a big deal about me and Glenda at the TVNow Awards on Saturday night. For the record, after I went to Marrakech with JR, I Facebooked her to say sorry. So everything should be soooo grand.
Or should that be 20 grand? As in, I need a dress for the awards and it had better look so-cheap-it-must-have-cost-a-bomb. Maybe I could sew a bit of pink, glittery material onto one of my Miss World bikinis and add 'fashion designer' to my impressive resume?
My angel cards say that I should look to the past for solutions to current dilemmas . . . Which means: I should channel the whole chav experience and buy my TVNow dress in Penneys!
Wes drove me into town in an armoured vehicle (essential for the northside) and double-parked outside Dr Quirkey's, so I could run into Penneys. I used him as a human shield to keep pyjangers away while I grabbed a few things in Beachwear. Sorted!
Wes is still slagging me over yesterday, when the cashier said: "That'll be one fifty," and I handed her €150.
I'm having a fabulous time on the red carpet, telling anyone who'll listen that I'm a recessionista: I made my outfit myself, from a Miss World bikini and a Penneys sarong. Glenda looks surprised.