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The digested read: Red Men

Alright, la? We're Livapewl, like. LIV. A. PEWL.

"And yewll nev-ah walk a-a-loan ... "

Yewse might have heard of us, like. Bezziest team in the whole wide world. Five European Cups. And not one of 'em thiefed, la.

Alright, calm down. Founded 1892, Everton played at Anfield first, League wins 1922 and '23, Elisha Scott, bezzy 'keeper ever, blah.

"There's only one Bill Shankly, one Bill Shankly, one Bill Shaaaaaankly . . ."

Skipped a bit there, like. It was all a bit nesh for about 100 years. Still, we were proper made up when Bill came in, la.

1965! There's a FA Cup in yer eye, Manc Yew!

Kevin Keegan! How sick was that bubble perm? Not half as sick as we were when Kev went to Hamburg, but.

Hail King Kenny! 1978! Wembley!!! Big bum, great turn, that'll be one in the Bruges onion sack.

Hang about, we forgot '77, like. Rome. Borussia Munchengladbach. It's Tommy Smith! Goaaaal!

"There's only one Bob Paisley, one Bob Paisley, one Bob Paaaaaaaisley . . ."

Made up, la. A proper good night. Reefed Rome out it, too.

Eeeh, that Emlyn Hughes had a squeaky bloody voice for a centre-half, didn't he?

Vinnie Jones? Don't Vinnie Jones us, la. Soft lad, he was. Souness would've had him for cold scouse. Bubble-'tache, too. Sick.

18 League titles, eh? LIV. A. PEWL. There's a record in yer eye, Manc Yew!

What's that? Oh. Right.

Heysel, eh? Bloody Italians.

Hillsborough, eh? Bloody Bizzies.

Istanbul! 2005!! Three-nil down, and then -- dum-dum-DUM -- Stevie G!!!

Boy's a scally, like. Gozzie, we was. Down the hatch with the Gary Abletts.

Reefed Istanbul out of it.

"And yewll nev-ah walk a-a-loan ... "

What's that? Last season?

7th, yeah.

"There's only one Roy Hodgson, one Roy Hodgson, one Roy Hodgsooooon ... "

Calm down?

Like we have a choice, la.

THE DIGESTED READ, IN A LINE: Anyone remember Liverpool FC?