| 6.5°C Dublin

Stripped in the sun with all on show

Just before the rain last week we had a spell of fine weather that brought hope to our weary hearts.

The cloudless skies and a high sun were, however, tempered by an east wind that, as my mother said, would "take the snot off you". In other words, it looked like summer had arrived but once you put your nose outside the door the wind chill made it feel like last Christmas Eve -- about minus 15.

Usually, the sight of sun prompts some women to don string tops and shorts as if they were in the Caribbean. It did but, this time; we noticed that there were almost as many men willing to expose themselves.

Tom Ford is a well-known American designer and the only gay man that women would like to sleep with, or so Patsy claims. "I wouldn't throw him out of bed for eating onions," she offered as an explanation.

"Patsy, if Tom Ford woke up beside you, he'd choke on his onions," said Josie. Patsy bristled a bit but she knew Josie was telling the truth.

Anyway, Tom says that men should never wear shorts and flip flops to the city. "Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach," he states.

Newbridge isn't exactly a city but I'm sure Tom would have included it if he saw what we saw there last week. Droves of middle-aged men combed the street dressed as if they were auditioning for Baywatch.

No budgie-smuggler trunks were on view (thank the Lord) but, instead, we were subjected to the sight of middle-aged men wearing Hawaiian print, baggy, board shorts that flapped at the gusset like flags in a force 12 wind. There was so much material in these shorts that they could have been used as a set of dining room curtains with enough left over for cushion covers.

One of the offenders sat opposite us in a coffee shop, a baseball cap on back to front and his short, white, hairy legs splayed wide like a spatchcock chicken. I won't go into the state of his toe nails.

"He's putting me off my sausage roll," complained Maggie. Josie said that we were being sexist and that women are as bad when it comes to exposing themselves.

"Tom Ford brought it up first," Maggie replied.

"This from a man who poses naked with his legs wrapped around a bottle of perfume," Josie retorted.

"I wish he'd wrap them round me," sighed Patsy loudly.

Spatchcock legs must have heard her, because he gave her a little smile.

"He thinks I'm talking about him," she whispered furiously. We legged it before he had any more unnatural thoughts.


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