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Secret life of...Bono

Sunday: Sunday, bloody Sunday. Turning 50 is actually a completely spiritual moment. Your life flashes before your eyes and you think of all the Third World debt that you still haven't paid off.

>Monday: Edun, Ali's ethical clothing company, is doing really, like, well. The sky's the limit; no line on the horizon. It's all about designing threads that only millionaires with guilt complexes would actually buy.

>Tuesday: In The City of Blinding Lights for an international summit meeting to save the many-whiskered mountain goat from extinction. It's just me, Obama, Oprah and Maya Angelou. Oh, and Brad Pitt, just to provide some ethnic diversity. "Get on your boots," I tell him.

>Wednesday: Back to Africa to do something really important with people who don't see me as a rock icon. No, they think I'm some kind of god.

>Thursday: The Middle East needs me. I think I'll go to Afghanistan this time and dress in military fatigues and keep my shades on in case I get recognised. Or maybe it's in case I'm staring at the sun.

>Friday: Back to Dublin. Boring. I mean, yay, I love this town. It's so small and people don't hassle me when they see me walking down Parnell Street, or nipping into Lidl, as I do all the time, like the angel of Harlem that I am.

>Saturday: What a beautiful day. It's nice to

be back in Dublin and have a rest from saving things and raising awareness.