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Patsy's problems go straight to her head

Just when you thought that theme parties were all about Tupperware and Anne Summers -- think again.

A Manchester-based organisation has now come up with the idea of 'Shrink Parties' and, as sure as eggs is eggs, they will be over here to sort us out because it's not like we aren't miserable enough already.

The idea behind the ladies-only party is to enable women to share their problems. The organisers host the party by providing the wine, hang sangers and, wait for it -- a psychologist. The guests, for their part, provide all the deep-seated misery that they can dredge up. This is shared with the group and discussed with the psychologist who, I assume, is there to make them feel better about offloading the fact that their mother forgot their birthday or how they caught their other half prancing around in ladies' underwear when he thought he was on his own.

"We have Shrink Parties every week except we call them coffee mornings," said Patsy, speaking with her mouth full. "So if any of you have any problems today, please feel free to share them and I won't charge. I'm not a psychologist but I did a personal development course a couple of years ago so I'm probably more qualified than any of you."

"There is one question I would like to ask," mused Josie.

"Fire ahead," said Patsy, looking a tad smug with her new-found qualifications.

"What is that on your head?"

It was a question I'd also been dying to ask when she arrived at the coffee shop wearing her usual trousers and cardi, but topped off by a large nappy.

Patsy rolled her eyes as if to say 'do I have to explain bloody everything!'

"It's a turban and you know it's a turban and if you slag me off I'll tell the guards you backed into my knife by mistake," she said to Josie.

We knew better than to say anything and I tried to look anywhere but at her head but I just couldn't help myself staring. She eventually lost it. "Oh, for God's sake, it's a fashion statement and if you bothered to read about what they are wearing on the catwalks then you would know what's in and what isn't and this," she said, pointing at the nappy, "is in."

Not in Kildare it isn't.

"Hilda Ogden from Coronation Street used to wear a turban about 20 years ago," said Maggie with a moue of distaste.

Hilda also had a voice like a cranky tomcat, which is not dissimilar to Patsy's when she is going full belt.

"I'm normal. It's you lot that need help!" she declared. That psychologist better get here quick . . .