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Dear Rosanna: 'Why does she want an abortion?'

Rosanna answers questions on a pregnant girlfriend, a cheating drunk of a boyfriend, a mutton mum and a disloyal best friend

Q Is there anything I can do to stop my girlfriend aborting our baby? She thinks we're too young to be parents in our early 20s, yet we have been together for 18 months and we usually get on brilliantly.

She says she wants to wait until she has a decent job before having a baby, and that it is unfair to rely on our parents for support. Yet, if she loved me the way that she says she does, wouldn't she want to keep our baby? I feel helpless and angry that she is able to make this decision without any regard for what I want.

A This is a life-changing decision which you will need to consider seriously and spend time speaking to your friends, family and girlfriend about. I can only advise you on what I consider to be your best options.

As you are both in love and in your 20s, I feel that you're in a pretty positive position for bringing a baby into the world. If you are able to convince her to keep the baby, with the support of both your families, then you will be making a commitment to each other which I'm confident you won't regret.

She will be able to focus on her career in a year or two, and I'm sure, once a baby comes along, that your parents would be happy to help out.

As it's your child as well, you should have an equal chance to decide on the fate of your unborn baby. She is probably feeling overwhelmed by the situation and considers abortion her only escape route. I would urge you to try to convince her to keep the baby and, between you, sort out a situation which works best for you both, financially and emotionally.

If there are positive factors on your side, I don't believe that abortion should be an option. Wishing you both the best of luck.

Q What do you think about a guy who kisses another girl and then tells his girlfriend that it meant nothing because he was drunk? We are both 17. He acts like drinking gives him a get-away-with-cheating card. Can you make your answer very clear, because I want to show it to him, and he gets confused very easily!

A To be completely clear, I think this is totally unacceptable behaviour. This guy should take responsibility for his actions, whatever the circumstances. He should not be drinking at all as he is currently under the legal age limit, and if it encourages him to act in such a disrespectful manner, then it's absolutely ill-advised. Using the excuse of being intoxicated to escape the consequences of his behaviour should not be tolerated by you or anybody else.

My advice is to stay well away from this guy until he learns that messing around with those who care about him and getting too drunk to know what he is doing, is a big mistake.

If he doesn't mend his ways he faces losing the respect of his peers, gaining a bad reputation and finding it difficult to earn the trust of any future girlfriends.

Q Please help, my mum is mutton dressed as lamb. She thinks that just because she is thin enough to fit into my clothes -- I'm 16 years of age -- that she should wear them. She acts like we're sisters and not mother and daughter, copies my hair and acts like my friends are her friends when they are around the house. But it's the way she looks so tacky in clothes that are way too young for her that gets to me. How can I make my mum more classy?

A It sounds as though your mum is trying hard to be accepted by you and your friends. She's attempting to be your best friend rather than your parent, which I believe is a mistake, as it blurs the boundaries of authority.

It's great to hear that she looks after her figure and feels confident, but it's clearly causing you embarrassment. My advice is to explain to her that, while you love that she wants to hang out with you and your friends and you're flattered that she admires your dress sense, it's not appropriate for her to behave like that. Be kind and put as positive a spin on it as possible. Tell her that she's a great role model for you, but that it would be better if she presented herself as a mother -- somebody for you to aspire to be when you're older.

Maybe suggest you go shopping together and help her pick out some more suitable attire and be really complimentary about how she looks in it. This way, you will be encouraging her to stop trying so hard and to simply act her age.

Q My best friend has a new boyfriend and we don’t hang out as much as we used to. I’ve been making an effort to meet new people — our class is very cliquey and I don’t feel welcome in many of the groups — by going swimming after school and by joining the choir. So far no one has shown any interest in hanging out with me at the weekends, even though I’ve asked a few people if they wanted to go to the cinema. I’m 15, and need advice.

A I can understand how tough you must be finding this new situation. Unfortunately, so many girls drop their friends when a new boyfriend comes along and wonder where they are when the relationship falls apart. It's a big mistake. Setting aside enough time for friends is extremely important. Your girlfriends are precious.

I would be direct with her and tell her that you feel as though you've been dumped to make room for her new man. She possibly doesn't realise the extent of her behaviour as she has been caught up in the thrill of a new romance. Try to arrange one or two nights a week where you can spend time together.

As for making new friends, these things take time, so persevere. Just by being yourself, friendly, open and confident, you will find others drawn to you. With the help and support of your best friend, you could both arrange a group trip for a meal or to watch a film. Position yourself as a good organiser and leader, and you will become a magnet to others.


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